Can You Believe That?

The way we get through life is by the decisions we make. Yes, really. You have the personal power to choose behaviors that move you closer to your goals or away from your goals. But most of us are not very aware of how we make those decisions. We just kind of muddle along reacting to life, to others' behaviors, to circumstances.

What we actually do is act on what we perceive. And what we perceive is base on what we believe. We see what we believe. Think about it. If you believe you will do well on something the likelihood of doing well is greater than if you believe you won't.

And if we see someone behaving a certain way our belief system determines what we interpret their behavior to be - good, bad, stupid, smart, etc. And our perception of their behavior usually determines our reaction. I saw a video clip recently where a guy turns a corner running and the first person he sees he tells to run. They both then are running down the street without the second guy knowing why he is running. We believe that if someone is running down the streat shouting "run" that something is coming that is harmful. After a few steps the second guy looks behind him and sees nothing. Then he stops running, even though the first guy is still running. He challenged his belief and discovered that it was faulty.

There was an exercise I did with male inmate in prison were I ask them why two inmates would have different reactions to the news that their wife was pregnant? They caught on pretty quickly that it would depend on how long the inmate had been in prison, because if he'd been in for more than a few months he'd know the child wasn't his. So while one inmate was thrilled to think he was going to be a dad, the other is angry that his wife has been "screwing around."

What we believe had a lot to do with how we perceive the world and our reactions to it.

So why is this important to know? Because some beliefs cause you choose harmful behaviors and to change those behaviors you have to change your beliefs.  But changing a belief can be problematic, especially long-held beliefs.

These may beliefs you've had for as long as you can remember. They were "taught" to you by your family, consciously or unconsciously. If you've grown up in a very disfunctional home you will believe that your family is normal and their behaviors are normal. All men are like your father or all women are like your mother, etc. Obviously that belief is going to cause some problems for you when you are an adult and forming relationships.

Or they may be beliefs you've learned from your own experience - you can't trust police officers, you must do things yourself because you can't trust others.  These beliefs also have some negative consequences when you base your behaviors on them..

When a behavior choice causes you problems, identify your belief about it and challence its veracity. Is it true? Is it always true? How might you choose a different behavior to respond to the problem? How might you reduce the negative consequences of the old behavior choice? Make a plan to do something different and decide if it changes the outcome.

Alcoholics do this to stay sober. All addictions can be addressed like this in order to make healthier behavior choices. I didn't say it was easy, did I? And if you care enough about changing your behavior it will be worth the effort.

You are what you believe!