In A Quandary?

Many of us are these days. What is a  "quandary" anyway? The dictionary says, "Quandary - a state of perplexity or uncertainty, especially as to what to do, dilemma."

Being uncertain as to what to do about something is an uncomfortable place to be. It keeps many people off balance, anxious, fearful. The more threatening the situation, the more uncomfortable or fearful we become.

That seems to be the climate these days. Anxiety is everywhere and people are unable to feel at peace. This is a very stressful state of being. So what can we do about it?.

It is important to be able to recognize what we can or can't change. We often feel we are helpless to change anything about the situation. But is that reality? You have the power to do what you can, no matter how small, and to accept what you can't change. That means, if you do everything you can to change the situation, you can change how you think and feel about the situation.

The Alcoholics Anonymous prayer is, "Help me change what I can and accept what I can't change. And give me the wisdom to know the difference." I think that last part is the most important. We often feel that if we can't make a big change in the situation we aren't changing it at all. We fail to see that there are small but important ways to approach the situation the can create change.

For instance, if your boss is a hot-head who yells at you, you may not be able to please him to change his behavior. But you can react to it differently. Your reaction can possibly change how he reacts. When you get angry or defensive, it feeds his anger. And it become a totally reactionary interchange.

But if you thank him for pointing out how you can do better, he might be less likely to escalate. People react to other's behavior. And how they react affects the the other's reaction. When you feed the anger, it grows stronger. Interrupting it can sometimes stop it in it's tracks!

And if you can't get a better reaction from him, you can always quit! I know that sounds extreme, but how much does the boss' behavior upset you? Can you let it go, or do you carry it around with you.

So one thing you can do is work on letting go of the fear or anger it triggers in you. We can change how WE feel, even if we can't change what he feels. Leave that job or stay is your choice. And each choice has a consequence. So figure out how much you are willing to accept.

If the boss' behavior interferes with the production of the organization, you may need to go to your boss' boss or a union representative to get help with the problem. But your expectations about the resolution may not be what results. So be ready to decide how much it is worth to you to stay if the behavior doesn't change.

There are many dilemmas we face. Not all of them related to our jobs. The same thing applies to personal, employment, and political situations. You have power. And every choice has consequences. When you choose a choice you also choose the consequences, whatever they are.

Identify your personal power and never feel powerless.