Ruth Was More Than A Number

When you see the number of persons in the U.S. who have died of Covid-19 in the posted statistics, what do you actually see? 

Really. What DO you see? Do you see people or just numbers. Numbers aren't very real, are they? They are easy to dismiss. But what about Ruth?

Ruth was my mother-in-law. She died of Covid-19. We buried her Friday. And, because of the pandemic, it was a rather surreal experience. But she is definitely dead. And we all are grieving her death. And she is only one of those hundreds of thousands of other people who have died from the virus that so many think is no big deal.

Ruth was a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother. She had cared for her family, taught school, volunteered, was active in her community as long as she was able. She had friends she had stayed in contact with for decades. She would help anyone with anything. She had respect for others, for her country, for her heritage. She was more than a number.

As are each of those others in the "deceased from Covid-19" statistics.

And there are also the people, not in that statistic, who "recovered" with permanent damage to vital organs. They know Covid-19 is a big deal.

I am so offended when I see people not wearing masks and gathering in large groups without distancing  indoors, people who don't think they will get the virus, and even if they do, they won't have a bad case. I am so offended by people who think it is "not a big deal", and therefore don't have to wear a mask..

Maybe they won't get the virus. But they could easily pass it to someone else. And that someone else might have underlying health issues that make it more likely for the virus to take their life or cause permanent damage.

Now, I don't get offended easily. But when people are unwilling to wear a mask to protect those of us that are at high risk for fatal or life threatening cases of the virus, I get offended, feel disrespected. Why are so many people unwilling to care about other people, about their community, or even about whether the spike in cases might close the economy again? It boggles my mind.

A mask is an inconvenience. I don't enjoy wearing one either. But I do. We don't seem to have a problem wearing seat belts, which I find more uncomfortable than the mask. 

We are willing to obey traffic laws, at least most of the time. Why not wear a mask when out in public? 

Most of us respect property lines, we don't trample other peoples plants, we even say "excuse me" if we accidently bump into someone. Respect for others! Why not respect the health of others by wearing a mask?

What has happened to respect for others? How would you feel if you knew that someone died because YOU didn't wear a mask?

How Do We Honor?

Honor as a verb is loosely used in this age. It means to give great respect or esteem. And we just yesterday were reminded to honor those who lost their lives to terrorists in American on 9/11/01. And there were ceremonies at the sites where they died. How do the rest of us show great respect or esteem to those lives?

Some chose to be silent on FaceBook during the times on the clock from the first impact to the last. Some put out their American Flags. Some relived that day in their memories and with the videos in the media again. There were news articles about the continued deaths of first-responders from breathing the toxic dust that day and days after.

So is that the best way to give great respect, high honor? Do we continue to focus on their deaths? Is there a way to honor their lives, not just their deaths? Have we respected their lives?

Do we even know anything about their lives? We heard about them at the time - who had children, who were married, who had been brave, who had been generous, etc.

Perhaps we could hold fund raisers in the name of those who died to fund scholarships for the children and spouses of those who died, including those first responders who survived to face health crises as a result. Definitely we must fund the medical costs of survivors.

Perhaps organizations could be created that support peace-making convesrsations between Muslim and non-Muslim people in cities across the country in the name of preventing future conflicts that result in creating hatred and terrorists.

How would you honor the lives lost on 9/11? Are there ways we can carry the memory of that day forward with positivity in the future?

What Do You Remember?

So this weekend we celebrate Memorial Day. My parents called it Decoration Day and planted flowers on graves of famiy members. And my dad marched in a parade with the American Legion color guard. I didn't really know much about why any of that happened.

Bing defines Memorial Day as: 

 "A day on which those who died in active military service are remembered, traditionally observed on May 30 but now officially observed on the last Monday in May. Also called (especially formerly) Decoration Day." 

1. These days most people think of Memorial Day as a day off from work, a long weekend, a time for cook-outs, the end of the school year, etc. But do we really honor the brave warriors who gave their lives in the line of duty? I'll bet there are many people who don't think of them at all. When was the last time you attended a Memorial Day Parade?
2. 
   Even though we have been in countless wars and "conflicts", today's Americans have had very little personal sacrifice. Unless you have had a loved one die in the military, we don't even sacrifce as private citizens.
   
3. 
   In the World Wars, Americans felt the cost of war at home. There were conscripted fighters leaving families to fight in battles around the world. There were men who enlisted because they believed in the need to protect their homeland from enemies we could identify.There were so many men gone that women were trained to do men's jobs in manufacturing war machines. Products and resources were rationed. The nation was at war and everyone was touched by it.
4. 
   Since then, by the way the country functions at home, one could hardly tell we are at war, and have been for years. We have been fighting in the Middle East so long that it has become normal. And much of the time we don't even know why we are fighting. 
5. Enlistments are down and fighters now serve multiple times, experiencing such trauma that they are not the same when they come home. PTSD is common and destroys lives and relationships. 
6. 
   If you ask most people why we have military personnel on active duty in places like Afghanistan, Irac, North Africa, Syria, etc., the explanation seldom seems worth the lives of our men and women at risk.
7. 
   None of the wars today make much sense to me. What are we fighting for? Oil? We can be indepent of foreign oil. To destroy terrorists? That doesn't seem to be working that well. 
8. There must be better solutions, better ways to get along with other nations.
9. 
   It seems to me that the best way to honor those who have died in active military service is to spend more time making peace than making war. I know that seems too simplistic. But think about how much war costs us in lives, in money. What if we all worked for peace -  at home and around the world. 
10. 
    That would make the world a better place.
    
11. 
    
12. 
    
    

Let's Bring Back Some Old Words: Respect

I struggle with the idea of respecting someone I don't hold in high esteem. The definition of "respect" is "to hold in high esteem." But, really, it is more than that. It is a way to treat someone or something. I think that is the kind of respect we are losing.

To respect another person, to treat them with respect no matter who or what they are, requires us to at the very least be polite. Name-calling is disrespectful. But to tolerate behavior that is harmful, that is hurtful, that is hateful is not part of being respectful. So how do we walk the line between enabling that kind of behavior without becoming harmful, hurtful, or hateful ourselves?

It is hard. It really is. But to be our best selves we need to practice being assertive without being aggressive. We can voice our disagreement in "I" statements. We can give feedback about how their behavior makes us feel. "I find that offensive." We can confront inappropriate behavior by being specific and forthright. "When you ________, I feel _______. Let's discuss this calmly." "I don't agree with you, and this is why _______."

Even the thoughts we have need to be reworded to be more respectful. If you hear yourself starting your statement with "You", then you are probably heading down a path that leads away from respect. "I think you are not aware of other perspectives on this issue."  Rather than "You don't know what you are talking about."

So, yeah, it is hard. And it is important to stop the flood of disrespect that seems to be sweeping our culture right now.

I'm struggling with it. And I hope others are too. We can learn to live together in peace when we learn to treat others with respect.

Yes, Change Is Happening And You Are Part of It

The medical profession has changed slowly for centuries, and then a very rapid change has nearly left us in the dust. Scientists are finding causes and cures for illnesses that in the past were always fatal, even with treatment. Vaccines and medicines are making some illnesses obsolete.

For hundreds of years illness was thought to be caused by divine, or evil, spirits. The first "doctors" were priests or shamans, who could intercede for the person suffering with an illness. The most important figure in ancient Egyptian medicine was Imhotep, way back in 2600 BC, a high priest.  It wasn't until Hippocrates, considered the father of medicine, in ancient Greece that anyone described many diseases as due to natural circumstances rather than a supernatural force. ( The Patient Will See You Now, The future of Medicine is in Your Hands, by Eric Topol)

Hippocrates is considered the father of medicine and his philosophy shapes the medical culture to this day as paternalistic and somewhat secretive. He believed that the patient should not be told what treatment entailed and the science of medicine should be held as above the understanding of the common man. The Hippocratic Oath states that "the precepts and oral instruction and all the other learning of medicine be shared only with those who have taken an oath according to the medical law, but to no one else."

Eons later that same oath and philosophy has led to the culture of medicine that puts the patient in a subordinate role in his or her own healing. Doctors are still often treated like gods and, in turn, they treat patients like children by withholding information and making life and death decisions for the patient without the patient's input.

While the medical profession insists that they must be given respect, all to often the patient is not treated with respect. The patient does not have all the information available to them when they are told they must make decisions about possible treatments, making informed consent a misnomer. The patient is treated like a child when they ask for more information or when they are resistant to the doctor's treatment decisions.

An informed patient who insists on the doctor's respect is all to often labeled a "difficult patient" and shunted off to the side. When a patient is insistent the doctors label them difficult. That label in a patient's record can have longstanding consequences with any medical professional reading those notes.

Now, however, patients more and more often have access to information about illness and medicine that was never before available to the layperson. We can go online and find research results and reports about all sorts of illnesses. We can look up or symptoms and learn possibilities even before we see a doctor. We are more informed than ever before. And we are demanding medical professionals hear us and respect what we know about our own bodies.

And this is changing the culture of medicine. With the proliferation of smart phones we can have access to doctors, research, test results, and be part of the conversation about our health. As this trend grows medical professionals will be forced to change the way they treat patients. We will insist that be become Individual, Active Participants (IAPs) rather than patients. Because we know our bodies better than anyone else can, our input is vital. And with better information we can make better choices, we can have true informed consent.

Just think of that word "consent". What other profession demands its clients give consent to leave a relationship. But to leave a hospital without the doctor's consent is the same as being a defiant revolutionary! The doctor is assumed to have ownership over our lives when we agree to their treatment. When our decisions are made as a result of intimidation are they truly informed consent?

In the new medical culture the doctors will work for us as equal partners. Yes, the professional has more education and training in medicine. We don't dispute that. Yet they don't have the right to decide for us what we want to do about our health, unless we give up that right and go back to the paternalistic philosophy of Hippocrates.

The new generations of doctors will listen to and respect their patients as partners in their healthcare. I feel truly blessed to have a doctor like that now. My doctor knows that I am the expert on my body and what does or doesn't work for me. She listens and agrees to try what I think will work best. I get lab results with the values for each test given, not a rubber stamped "all tests were within the normal range" or a brief "good". When I have questions or concerns I am attended to.

But the changes in medicine are not stopping there. In the future of medicine our professionals will be more accessible than ever before, thanks to technology. More about that in my next post.

*The facts in this post come from the book The Patient Will See You Now by Eric Topol.