My mother was very independent. She was in charge of her life and made that perfectly clear. Even as she aged and became less able to do everything for herself, she hated to ask anyone for help. And her mind was sharp even to the end of her life. So she made her own decisions about nearly everything.
She had very advanced osteoporosis, having lived through financially stressed times as a child and then during the Depression when milk and dairy were less available. The doctor said her bones looked like Swiss cheese. So over the last decade of her life she frequently broke bones and had to be hospitalized. This also required time in rehabilitation facilities, some good and some bad. In one such place she was transferred from the hospital to the facility in the afternoon on a Friday after surgery for a broken hip. We got her settled and left her for the night. It looked like a nice enough place and I was relieved that she would be getting the care she needed to mend.
I got a phonecall from her the next day. She said I should come and get her and take her home because she couldn't stay in that place another night. They did not have her pain medication and she had yet to see their doctor. They had failed to take her to supper or bring her any food. Her roommate was senile and cried all night for her mama. She hadn't slept, eaten, or had medication for nearly 24 hours and she was going home.
We went to see her an hour or so later in order to resolve the situation and to convince her it was not feasible for her to go home where she lived alone in a two-story condo. It was winter and the apartment heat had been turned down while she was in the hospital, and there was little food there since she'd not been expected for at least a month.
She was determined to leave. She said she was going to check herself out of there and if I didn't take her home she would call an ambulance to take her! And so we packed up her few clothes, put her in a wheelchair, and she signed herself out against doctor's advice, a doctor she had yet to meet. As we were going through the paperwork to check her out the nurse asked us who was responsible for her and would sign the forms. My mother grabbed the paper and said, "I'm responsible for myself!" She did indeed sign herself out.
We got her into my car and headed for her condo. Her back patio opened onto the parking lot, so I was able to park close by. But getting her from the car to the house with no wheelchair was a challenge. My spouse and I basically held her up on each side to walk her to the door. Half way there she said she couldn't go any further. "Now what?" I thought.
One of us held her up while the other went in to bring out a kitchen chair so whe could "rest". It was freezing cold out and she had on my spouse's coat. So one of us would have to wait inside until we could get her going again. I knocked on every door in the building but no one was home to help us. Finally we walked her the rest of the way to the house. She was installed in the diningroom while we tried to figure out what to do next.
She had figured out how to survive in her bedroom upstairs. Coffee pot, toaster, pitcher of water, coffee, bread, butter, peanutbutter. A friend would come by every afternoon to unlock the door so the Meals on Wheels people could bring in a meal, and between her friend and me she would get food and medicines, etc., after work each evening. And we would lock up when we left. It certainly wasn't an ideal situation, but she was determined to make it work.
The challenge, however, was how to get her upstairs! Finally we phoned her pastor and explained the situation. He and his teenaged son came to help. They carried her, in the chair, up the stairs and deposited her in her bedroom. Once we had her settled for the night we went home to try to get some rest ourselves. By this time it was night and we were all exhausted.
The next few weeks were challenging, but we made it work. She was finally able to slide step by step downstairs to go to a doctor's appointment and be cleared for doing more activity.
Now all of this story is an illustration of how independent, and stubborn, my mom could be, even when she needed help. And this is when she tagged us and her friends who volunteered to do for her as her "Earth Angels." Over the following several years she had many situations when she needed help. She moved to an independent living apartment complex for seniors and handicapped. She was still able to take care of herself quite well and often was helping others. (Actually, I think she took on the role of Earth Angel when she could.) But near the end of her life, the last couple of years, there was one episode after another that left her with less and less mobility, strength, and independence. She was in and out of hospital and rehab facilities, finally contracted a virus called C-dif that took her life.
So I challenge you to be someone's Earth Angel. Do you know someone who needs help, even if they don't ask for it? There are countless folk who need assistance with any number of things. Is there some way you can ease life a bit for someone else? What can you do, and for whom, that is a great kindness?
Share in the comments how you have been an Earth Angel, or how you plan to be.
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