Did You Resolve To Expand Your Mental and Emotional Well-being?

         

                                           Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Our thoughts and our feelings are intertwined. What we think about something determines 
what we feel about that something. Most of the time we aren't at all aware of that inter-
connection.

If you are over-reacting emotionally, take a breath and check what you are thinking. 
Then determine if those thoughts are logical. When I was teaching prison inmates to 
take more care of their emotions that get them so upset that they act out and they get 
negative consequences when they act out on those emotions. I would use the example
of two different inmates who receive the same news and how thoughts can get them
out of control.

Inmates A and B come back from visitation after hearing from their spouse or girlfriend
that she is pregnant. Inmate A has been incarcerated for more than a year of his sentence.
Inmate B has only been in prison for three months. Now either inmate's spouse or girl-friend 
could have been sleeping around.  But Inmate A is certain it isn't his baby, whereas Inmate B 
believes his sexual partner has been with no one but him. 

Either inmate could feel betrayed. But inmate B prefers to think she is pregnant with his
baby. And he feels happy, exited, because he's always wanted to be a dad. 


That is an over-simplification, of course. But it shows that we have more control over
our emotions that we realize. The choice to have positive thoughts goes a long way to 
making us feel and behave better. 

I don't suggest that you have no feelings. Far from it. Emotions are important in decision 
making and in relationships. And to block our emotions can cause all sorts of problems. But
if you find yourself getting upset over little things, it might be a good time to consider which
thoughts you are encouraging. Try pulling back and looking at situations from more than one
perspective.

My grandmother was an expert in this. she could always find something positive in every
situation. She didn't deny the negativity but balanced it with positive thoughts. She was a very
lovely woman  who didn't let life batter her.

When you are exploring your thoughts, take a couple of seconds to ask if your thought
is true/real. This is especially important in relationships.And then ask yourself "how
important is it for me to think this way. What else could it mean."

When my spouse and I were courting, they were always late to things. I believed that reflected
a passive aggressive behavior. And would be on guard or disappointed that I wasn't 
important enough for them to be on time. 

Then we learned about the various personalities. We each had different personalities and
had different perspectives on time. For me, time was a straight line. But their personality
saw time as a rubber band and tried to cram everything into the stretchy band. Once we 
understood that the behavior wasn't about me at all, I felt comfortable talking about it with-
out being angry

Check it out. Go to the mall and sit and people watch. Purposely  look for negative things about 
each person. Their clothes might be wrinkles or colors not go together, or some other thing
you see as a flaw. You'll probably start feeling bad yourself. You might even start thinking 
about all of your own flaws.

Switch to finding something positive about each person. You might even give someone 
a compliment. Smile at people who catch your eye. Pass that positive feeling around. Make
the world a better place by looking for the good in it.

Image by Pixaline from Pixabay 

Do You Say What You Think?

Or do you think what you say? And does it matter?

There is a lot in the news these days about who said what and how they said it. It is a time when we really need to pay attention  to what we say AND what we think. 

I often wonder if the people in the media, or elsewhere even, really think about what they say. I mean, when it seems ridiculous, when it doesn't really make sense, or when it is quite outrageous I have to wonder if they really believe what they are saying. Or do they even listen to themselves at all?

I've always been a lover of words. I like learning where they came from and what they mean. I was an English major in undergraduate school and have been a writer most of my adult life. So words are especially important to me. And I know that not everyone cares that much about our language. But language is a powerful thing.

Did you know there are 7000 languages around the world? 7000! And they don't all work the same way. It is often  difficult, if not impossible, to translate word for word. Words that are common in our language don't exist in other languages. Do you wonder how that is possible?

Well, it is because words are ideas, concepts. And if that concept doesn't exist in another language they don't have a word for it. Or something we have only one word for would, in another language, have several words for it - like snow. Eskimos have a variety of words for snow because snow is so much more important in their lives.

So maybe we should be more aware of exactly what we do think or believe and then choose more exact words to convey that. And let's also be aware that what words we use are shaping what we think. Listen to what others say and determine if they really think and believe what they say or are they just being careless with the language.

What do you think?

If you are really interested in this subject you might enjoy the TED talk below:

You Are What You Think

Descartes said "I think, therefore I am."  “I think; therefore I am ” was the end of the search Descartes conducted for a statement that could not be doubted. He found that he could not doubt that he himself existed, as he was the one doing the doubting in the first place. In Latin (the language in which Descartes wrote), the phrase is “Cogito, ergo sum.” [Google search]

We are thinking beings. Our thoughts are very powerful. Never doubt that!

Your thoughts can bring things into being, like thinking about a favorite food can make you hungry, sometimes even salivate. Or you can think about a painful memory and after a while you have the same emotions that you had when it happened.

There is a saying "If you think you can or you think you can't, you'e right." In other words, you can set yourself up for winning or losing by what you think. Athletes know that thinking about performing well helps them play/do better. Many teams use visualizations in training to help them do their best, even make their best better.

So how does that work for the rest of us? I've been thinking about this since writing Sunday's blog [Oct.15, 2017]. We have so much negativity thrust in front of us that it is little wonder that so many of us are feeling negative about not only our present but also our future. When we think about all the awful things that are happening it is easy to flow in that direction and expect that we are powerless to change anything.

But the reality is that we are better than what we see in the media. There is more good than bad. We just have to open our eyes to it.

Check out this video: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/10/7/1705064/-In-the-midst-of-despair-Ellen-proves-there-is-still-more-good-in-the-world-than-bad

One shooter destroys so many lives in Las Vegas. And yet hundreds of people pitched in to help that night and beyond. People lined up in the wee hours of the morning to donate blood. By-standers ran to help get the wounded to hospitals. One many even stole a truck from a nearby parking lot to haul injured people to the hospital, making more than one trip. [He later return the truck.] 

Hateful rhetoric is spewed on the media about minorities, while hundreds of people reach out to help the very people that have been treated so badly. Protesters send the message that the wrongs that are committed are not acceptable.

We are better, as individuals and as a nation, when we think good thoughts, do good  things. Look for the good around you. Be the positive that someone else needs to see.

What Do You Think? Change the Your Thoughts and Change the World

Whether we pay attention to our thoughts or not, they are running all the time. Much of the time we act without thinking, at least consciously . Yet our thoughts are VERY powerful. They determine who we are, what we do, how we feel.

Philosopher Rene Descartes, the french philosopher and mathematician, i n his Discourse on the Method  stated "I think, therefore I am." It is said to mean that thinking is the one thing that cannot be faked. It is the one way that individuals know they exist.

So thinking is the core of our being. The good news is that we can change our thoughts. We can direct our thoughts. They are not something that is separate from us. And if we are to change our behavior and our feelings we will need to identify the thoughts that create them and change those thoughts.

Thus if we are to change the world we will need to start with our own thoughts and take control of them, confront them, change them if they don't impact the world the way we want them to. We can't reduce the hatred in the world if we don't confront any of that hatred that exists in our thoughts. And we can't do that if we don't pay attention to our thoughts.

For me it is an ongoing program of confronting the thoughts that arise, seemingly unbidden at times, that may come from fear or hate or misinformation. As a white woman I have to acknowledge and confront my immediate fearful response to young black men walking toward me on the street. I have to acknowledge that it is racist and not based on reality.  It is important that my response is based on what is really happening rather than what I fear might happen, based on years of racist media fear-mongering.

It is also important that I pay attention to other thoughts that come up unbidden. When I see a street person panhandling, what do I think and how does that determine my behavior? When I hear about people who have been homeless for months or years, do I think of them as lazy or unemployable when I don't know anything about their life?

I used to think that if a homeless person has a cellphone they must not really need help. What I didn't take into consideration is that it is impossible to apply for jobs if you don't have a mailing address and access to a phone! And most jobs require that you have your own transportation.

And what we think is greatly determined by what we are told until we discover otherwise for ourselves. We hear things repeated over and over by the media or by the people we surround ourselves with and those things take on the weight of "truth".  It is so very easy to believe what we are told, especially if it excuses us from putting any effort into learning more.

What we feel is a result of what we think and believe about events in our lives. If we think/believe that something is dangerous we will feel afraid. For instance, if you believe hungry lions are dangerous you will fear them. Makes sense, right? But what if there is a glass barrier between you and the lion? Is it still a dangerous situation?

I used to do an exercise with inmate in a male prison institution that was a challenge for them to change their harmful or unproductive belief systems. One example was when I ask for what one guy believed about women. "Women are stupid", he said. I ask him some questions that challenged that belief:

All women?"Yes," he said.

 How many women have you met? "Hundreds," he said.

 How many women exist in the world? "Probably millions, he responded.

 So really it is all the women you have met are stupid, right? " Well, yes," he said

Where did you meet these women? " In bars,"  he said.

 So all women you met in bars in stupid, is that it? " Yes,"  he agreed.

 So what if you began to meet women in other places, might there be women who aren't stupid? 

 He had to agree.

With that he began to challenge his belief that all women are stupid. We can do the same thing with beliefs that keep us in harmful, hurtful, or unproductive situation.

So have you been thinking things like "All Republicans are hateful," "All Trump voters are stupid,"
 "All white people are racist," All blacks are less than or are lazy or are stupid or whatever", " All immigrants are illegal freeloaders" or any of the other negative thoughts that support hatred, fear, and violence. Challenge those beliefs and move beyond them.

Pay attention to what you think and keep confronting those thoughts that do not make the world a better place.