You can make happiness happen in this coming year. You have the power to create your own happiness. You don't have to wait for circumstances to change or for someone to make you happy. Use your personal power to be happy.
It really is "all in your head" because how you think is more important to your happiness than the circumstances of your life. How we think about what happens is our personal power over the effects of those circumstances. While we may not be able to control what happens, we can control how we think about them.
Sonja Lyubomirsky writes about Happiness Activities in The How of Happiness, a Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want
Happiness Activity #1: Expressing Gratitude
Gratitude is the antidote to your negative emotions and it neutralizes "envy, avarice, hostility, worry and irritation." Robert Emmons (Gratitude and the science of positive psychology in Snyder, C.R., and Lopez, S.J. [eds] Handbook of Positive Psychology) defines gratitude as "a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life."
Let's go with that definition and practice looking at your life through that lens. Try noticing how fortunate your circumstances are and how much worse they could be. Identify those who have helped you through some of the rough patches and let them know you are grateful. Make a list of at least five things you are grateful for in the past week or day. Make it a habit to count your blessings daily. Practice thanking people for doing what they do that makes life easier or better for someone. After a few weeks you will find your physical and mental health have benefited from your expression of gratitude.
To learn more about how gratitude creates your happiness and ways to become more grateful, read Lyubomirsky's book, Chapter 4.
Happiness Activity #2: Cultivating Optimism
Being optimistic doesn't mean coming to believe your life is perfect and will always remain perfect.
You can be realistic and optimistic. It may mean that even though there will be ups and downs you know you will make it through and everything will turn out all right in the end. It may mean posting positive optimistic thoughts on your wall or chanting optimistic affirmations. It may mean expecting there will be abundant good things and fewer bad. It means believing that your goals can be accomplished somehow, even if it means working hard to achieve them. It may mean identifying your strengths and acknowledging that you may have weaknesses but can overcome them. It is about knowing you can get there and thinking positively about how you will do it.
It is more than wishing for positive outcomes. It is planning for them by acknowledging your role in making it happen. An athlete doesn't just wish they will win. They train and practice and plan for HOW they will win. Being optimistic is an important part of making your own happiness.
Want to know more about how to be more optimistic? Read Chapter 4 in Lyubomirsky's book!
Happiness Activity #3: Avoiding Overthinking and Social Comparison
"Self-focused rumination", now there's a phrase for you. It means thinking too much about the why's and what ifs in your life, about the possible meanings of what others said or did, about your blunders, about what you did or didn't do, etc.
This is a tough one for me as I tend to be constantly thinking about something. And when I go to bed at night I tend to review the day with an eye for what I did or didn't do, "shoulda, woulda, coulda."
The only way I've found to interrupt that thinking is to start my gratitude list. What works for you?
Social comparison can be deadly. If you are always comparing yourself to someone else, you miss the whole picture. You are more than those aspects of yourself that you use for comparison. And you are uniquely you! No one can be a better you. And you can't be someone else. So keep looking at your personal strengths and review your accomplishments by looking at what you did that was right and what you learned about how to improve in the future.
First, stop ruminating about how you compare to someone else. Detach from focusing on comparisons with others. Redirect your attention somewhere else. Read or watch something that is funny or suspenseful, listen to upbeat music and move with it, do physical activity. Get absorbed in something else.
If you have trouble stopping this behavior you might try something I was told to do by a therapist. Set aside thirty minutes of each day to ruminate on these negative thoughts. So when throughout the day you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, tell yourself you can stop the thoughts now because you can think of this later during your scheduled time. I was encouraged to write them down during that thirty minutes and I discovered after several days that I was ruminating about the same things in the same ways. It became monotonous and fruitless. I soon stopped ruminating. Instead I began using the time to give myself positive messages and to plan ways for coping in the situations I tended to ruminate about. That was much more productive.
There are more suggestions on how to avoid overthinking and social comparison in Lyubomirsky's book. If this is an area you need to work on, read chapter 4.
So is any of this helpful for you? Do you want to know more activities for creating your happiness? Or should I go to another topic for future blog posts? Please let me know in comments!
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