Thanks!

How grateful are you? Are you aware of how often, or how seldom, you say "Thank You"?

"Thank you," is probably the first phrase most of us learn as toddlers. And as we grow it often becomes habitual. If you say it habitually, without a sense of gratitude, how grateful are you really? And if we realize we seldom say it, are you seldom aware of your lack of gratitude?

In the hustle and bustle of daily living we may lose touch with what we are actually feeling. We get busy, busy, and don't even see what we have to be grateful for. Or we just assume that others will understand that we are grateful. We think "They should be grateful that I did/said/gave that for them."

But isn't that kind of flat? Wouldn't our world be better if people acknowledged each other in a direct way? And wouldn't you like to know when people are indeed thankful for what you do?

While thinking about how often or seldom you say thank you, spoken or written, also notice who you thank. Do you thank only friends, or family, or people in charge? 

One time during the season of Lent I decided to thank someone different every day, especially those to whom don't usually express my thanks.  I realized that I often am not really present to those around me. I kind of rush through life from one task to another, not noticing all the things others  do for me. I thanked folks in person and in cards or on the phone. The reactions were splendid. The people that I thanked smiled and felt positive from hearing that brief little phrase, "Thank you."

I thanked the people who cleaned our church. I thanked people who had been teachers in my life, academic teachers and personal growth teachers. I had an English teacher in high school who was very encouraging.Yes, it had been years ago, but I was still grateful. I thanked first responders in our neighborhood, took them a plate of cookies. I thanked people who help open doors for me, even though they were strangers. I thanked people who picked up litter and put it in the trash container. I thanked people who did something nice for others, even though I didn't know them. 

If course to make your thanks most meaningful it is important to add what it is you are grateful for when you express your gratitude. If you are thankful for something specific, say what it is. Or say "Thank you for all you do" where that is more appropriate. You don't have to say what it is when it is terribly obvious, like opening the door for you. Or you can say "Thank you for your help." [For more ways to say "Thanks" check out https://www.thebalancecareers.com/thank-you-phrases-and-wording-2064014]

It might help your world be more positive and supportive when you begin to give thanks more often. Give it a try. Start noticing what others do and say that you can approve of and express your gratitude. And notice how people respond. Maybe you can start a trend!

And thank you for reading this and for making the world better one kind act at a time.

How About a New Thanksgiving Tradition?

This year, while you are waiting for the turkey to roast or after you've consumed the last of your Thanksgiving dessert, take some time to write thank you note. Yeah, those old fashioned handwritten notes to thank people for what you appreciate about them. I suppose if you don't know their mailing address and you won't see them for the next week you could do it by email. But there is something really special about a handwritten note.

Write notes of gratitude to folks who we usually don't acknowlege how important what they do or who they are to us with much in the way of gratitude. Like the custodian of your school or office, the clerk at you post office or other public service, your pastor, your teacher, your spouse's parents, your mail carrier, a doorman, a maid, a baby sitter, the day care workers, your boss, your secretary or other support staff, a police officer, a firefighter, a doctor, a nurse. You get the idea.

So much that we are thankful for is a result of someone else's behavior. While we may acknowlege that we are thankful that there are medical services available to us, but how often do we express gratitude for spacific reasons, like "I'm grateful for your patience when I struggle to explain what hurts and how."

It is important that you are spacific. It is more meaningful if you have taken the time to identify some specific thing they do/did that you are grateful for.

So, turn Thanksgiving into a day of giving thanks to those we sometimes take for granted or we feel grateful but don't say it specifically.

And I want to than you for reading my blog. It means a lot to me that someone reads what I've written. It is extremely gratifying if you leave a comment.

So thank you. And have a thankful Thanksgiving.

3 Ways to Have a Happier New Year

You can make happiness happen in this coming year. You have the power to create your own happiness. You don't have to wait for circumstances to change or for someone to make you happy. Use your personal power to be happy.

It really is "all in your head" because how you think is more important to your happiness than the circumstances of your life. How we think about what happens is our personal power over the effects of those circumstances. While we may not be able to control what happens, we can control how we think about them.

Sonja Lyubomirsky writes about Happiness Activities in The How of Happiness, a Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want 

Happiness Activity #1: Expressing Gratitude
Gratitude is the antidote to your negative emotions and it neutralizes "envy, avarice, hostility, worry and irritation."  Robert Emmons (Gratitude and the science of positive psychology in Snyder, C.R., and Lopez, S.J. [eds] Handbook of Positive Psychology) defines gratitude as "a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life."

Let's go with that definition and practice looking at your life through that lens. Try noticing how fortunate your circumstances are and how much worse they could be. Identify those who have helped you through some of the rough patches and let them know you are grateful. Make a list of at least five things you are grateful for in the past week or day. Make it a habit to count your blessings daily. Practice thanking people for doing what they do that makes life easier or better for someone. After a few weeks you will find your physical and mental health have benefited from your expression of gratitude.

To learn more about how gratitude creates your happiness and ways to become more grateful, read Lyubomirsky's book, Chapter 4.

Happiness Activity #2: Cultivating Optimism
Being optimistic doesn't mean coming to believe your life is perfect and will always remain perfect.
You can be realistic and optimistic. It may mean that even though there will be ups and downs you know you will make it through and everything will turn out all right in the end. It may mean posting positive  optimistic thoughts on your wall or chanting optimistic affirmations. It may mean  expecting there will be abundant good things and fewer bad. It means believing that your goals can be accomplished somehow, even if it means working hard to achieve them. It may mean identifying your strengths and acknowledging that you may have weaknesses but can overcome them. It is about knowing you can get there and thinking positively about how you will do it.

It is more than wishing for positive outcomes. It is planning for them by acknowledging your role in making it happen. An athlete doesn't just wish they will win. They train and practice and plan for HOW they will win. Being optimistic is an important part of making your own happiness.

Want to know more about how to be more optimistic? Read Chapter 4 in Lyubomirsky's book!

Happiness Activity #3: Avoiding Overthinking and Social Comparison
"Self-focused rumination", now there's a phrase for you. It means thinking too much about the why's and what ifs in your life, about the possible meanings of what others said or did, about your blunders, about what you did or didn't do, etc.

This is a tough one for me as I tend to be constantly thinking about something. And when I go to bed at night I tend to review the day with an eye for what I did or didn't do, "shoulda, woulda, coulda."
The only way I've found to interrupt that thinking is to start my gratitude list. What works for you?

Social comparison can be deadly. If you are always comparing yourself to someone else, you miss the whole picture. You are more than those aspects of yourself that you use for comparison. And you are uniquely you! No one can be a better you. And you can't be someone else. So keep looking at your personal strengths and review your accomplishments by looking at what you did that was right and what you learned about how to improve in the future.

First, stop ruminating about how you compare to someone else. Detach from focusing on comparisons with others. Redirect your attention somewhere else. Read or watch something that is funny or suspenseful, listen to upbeat music and move with it, do physical activity. Get absorbed in something else.

If you have trouble stopping this behavior you might try something I was told to do by a therapist. Set aside thirty minutes of each day to ruminate on these negative thoughts. So when throughout the day you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, tell yourself you can stop the thoughts now because you can think of this later during your scheduled time. I was encouraged to write them down during that thirty minutes and I discovered after several days that I was ruminating about the same things in the same ways. It became monotonous and fruitless. I soon stopped ruminating. Instead I began using the time to give myself positive messages and to plan ways for coping in the situations I tended to ruminate about. That was much more productive.

There are more suggestions on how to avoid overthinking and social comparison in Lyubomirsky's book. If this is an area you need to work on, read chapter 4.

So is any of this helpful for you? Do you want to know more activities for creating your happiness? Or should I go to another topic for future blog posts? Please let me know in comments!

What Did You Do Yesterday?

What did you do yesterday for which someone might be grateful for today?

How about we take a different perspective on the month of Thanksgiving. What if we thought of things to do to give others something for which they can be thankful? What if we took the time this month to focus on helping others, to focus on acts of kindness?

We can all be thankful that we can do something for someone else. When we look at our life from that perspective we can realize how very much we have for which to be thankful. And we have so much that we can share.

Maybe you don't have lots of money. Even with just a little money we can probably figure a way to set aside a bit for someone else. Could you spare a dollar? You know that even a dollar can be appreciated by someone who doesn't have a dollar. Have you considered those with NO income? Or someone living homeless?

I help collect things needed by the unsheltered homeless. Think about living like that. Even something as simple as a band-aid is something you may not have. Yes, even a dollar can make a difference.Be thankful that you have more than that, even when it doesn't seem like you have enough for yourself.

Things they need that you may take for granted:

•MULTIVITAMINS
•Tylenol
•chapstick
•Small sewing kits (like they give at hotels)
•Small shampoos
•Deoderant
•toothpaste
•toothbrushes w/caps
• Q-tips
•small bars of soap
• zip lock bags so people can keep their soap and tooth brush clean for future use
• thick socks
•Fabric bandaids and first aide items like packets of neosporin/triple antibiotic cream
•nail clippers
(keeping nails trimmed short cuts back the amount of dirt and bacteria that gets under them. Yuck. And also protects toe nails, etc.)
•hard candy/ cough drops

So, what did you do yesterday to help someone else? Yesterday I took the time to line up the shopping carts in a store where I had been shopping. There were half a dozen carts parked this way and that near the cart stall. So I just put them in an orderly line. Who would be grateful I'd done it? I don't know. But it must have been someone's job to do that and now they would have to. And I was grateful that I had the time and the energy, the physical ability, to do it.

What did you do? What could you do? What will you do today?

An Attitude of Gratitude

It is the time of year when we begin looking at those things for which we are thankful. Even on our worse days there are things we can be thankful for. Some folks find that really hard to do.

When we focus on the "bad" things in our lives it can seem like it is all bad. But really there are so many things to be thankful for on a daily basis.

What are you thankful for? Can you name a few? Do you have food to eat? A dry, warm place to sleep? At least one friend? Do you have any income? Do you have clothes suitable for the weather? Can you walk? Talk?

We need to focus more on those things that we have that are good than on what we lack. And the Thanksgiving Holiday gives us that opportunity.

This year why not acknowledge what others do for you? Thank people for what they do. Make it a point to thank someone every day this month - co-worker, family members, janitors, teachers, attorneys, military personnel, police officers, mail carriers, doctors, nurses, delivery persons, doormen, drivers, friends, neighbors. Who did I leave out?

And make the thanks specific: "Thank you for keeping the office clean", "Thank you for your patience with my son," "Thank you for cooperating", etc. Let them know what it is that they do that you are thankful for.

Something I like to do is send a thank you card to the mother of someone whose birthday is near to thank them for creating such a lovely friend, etc. It always surprises and pleases their mom to be recognized on their child's birthday.

Who might you thank today?

Develop your attitude of gratitude.

Thank you for reading my blog! Here is a little gift to thank you.

That Attitude of Gratitude Works Wonders!

Recently I read a post about gratitude and how it is good for your health. I thought I'd share it. Take a look:

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain?utm_source=Greater+Good+Science+Center&utm_campaign=f938b9b3df-GG_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2017_06_06&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5ae73e326e-f938b9b3df-51961579

I find gratitude to be very helpful, especially with my anxieties. I just spend some time listing things I am grateful for and feel calmer. It is often how I fall asleep at night.

It is amazing how long the list gets sometimes.

Thanks

Who is the last person you thanked? Was it a reflexive "thanks" or was it a thoughtful and specific "thank you for _________"?

Much of the time we thank people out of habit, without really thinking about it. But there are so many people that do things that we take for granted and seldom thank. If we want to create a better world, we need to be aware of what we are thankful for and tell those folks that you appreciate what they do.

For instance, have you ever thanked a veteran or active duty military person "Thank you for your service"? Or have you ever told a fast food worker that they do a good job of keeping the dining area clean? How about a neighbor that does something for you without being asked. We have a neighbor who often takes our trash to the curb when he takes his out. And he brings the container back when it is empty! Another neighbor keeps an eye on our house when we are out of town.

Being aware of our gratitude is important for our own emotional/spiritual health. And keeping a gratitude journal can help you keep a more positive attitude. But I suggest we take it beyond ourselves and thank people directly for their actions. Why keep our positive attitude all to ourselves?

Tell someone "thank you" that you've not thanked before. It feels good to be appreciated. You might make someone's day. And outward gratitude enhances your well-being, too.

"Being instructed to express gratitude was particularly powerful for participants who came into the study with higher symptoms of depression. In their case, there was a direct link between how often they expressed gratitude in their relationships and how much more positive they felt one month after the experiment." (http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_upgrade_your_gratitude_practice/success)

  

Give it a try. Face to face, by phone, or in a note, thank someone today.

Think about who you've not thanked for what they do or did: a neighbor; a teacher; a librarian; a police officer; a firefighter; a hospital employee; your mail carrier; the janitor at your job or church; a cashier where you shop regularly. Just be aware of who does something that benefits you and/or your community. 

Can you think of others we might thank? Would you share your thoughts in the comments?

Thanks for Giving!

It is nearly Thanksgiving. And we have SO much to be thankful for. What are YOU must thankful for?

Even the poorest of our community has more than most people in he world. There are too many places where there is no clean water to drink. To have any water at all, someone must walk miles to carry it home after walking miles to get it. And you can't carry enough to bathe in. (Even in America, if you are homeless or live on some of the American Indian Reservations, you may not have access to clean water.)

So when you next bathe or shower, be thankful. When you have clean dishes, be thankful. When you have clean clothes be thankful. When you have water to brush your teeth or shave, be thankful. For water is a precious resource. This Thanksgiving why not give something to support clean water for those who have none. Or support those that protect the precious resource from pollution. Give something - time, money, etc. - in gratitude for what you have.

Everyone reading this probably has access to adequate food. It may not always be what we want, but it is enough for us to live without the threat of starvation. Vast populations of people are grateful for one meager meal a day. There are children and elderly people dying of starvation around the world. And when you sit down to Thanksgiving Dinner, think of them. Consider supporting a program that provides nutrition to the most needy. Give something - time, money, etc. - in gratitude for what you have.

Imagine not being able to feed your child or your elderly parent. It is mind-boggling to know that in a world that produces enough food to feed everyone, not everyone is getting fed. In our country alone we throw away enough food to feed another country. This Thanksgiving, resolve to waste less and give more.

And you have a roof over your head. It may not be YOUR roof, but you sleep under a roof at night. Around the world there are people who have lost their homes to war, earthquake, flood, tornado, fire, or poverty. When you go to bed tonight, pray for those who have no roof, no safe place to sleep. And consider what you are willing to do to help solve the problem. From addressing homelessness in your community to supporting efforts in foreign lands, there are many ways you can help. Give something - time, money, etc. - in gratitude for what you have. This Thanksgiving - resolve to help provide shelter for those who need it.

Your gratitude list goes on and on. This time of year we are more aware than at other times of all our blessings. Take time to list them and give thanks for them. And consider how you might do more to share your blessings with others who may be less fortunate than you.

What are you most thankful for?