Do You Have the Courage to Be Kind?

". . . there is a slippery point at which showing empathic concern and enacting kind deeds could go one way or the other: toward discomfort and distress or toward ease and joy."*

When you can feel the feeling of someone in need, you are being empathic. And when you respond with acts of kindness you are acting with compassion. And sometimes those acts of kindness require you to step outside your comfort zone. You need courage to do that.

From something as small as making a financial donation to something as big as risking your life there is an element of fear. It is helpful to identify your feelings in those situations and examine your thoughts and reactions. When we do that we are likely to discover that our fear is either foolish and we set it aside, or our fear is real risk and we can prepare ourselves for what may happen. Either way, the truly compassionate acts will make us kinder and more courageous in other parts of our life.

When we are faced with a situation that can be helped by or financial contribution we can experience fear that we ourself won't have enough for our own needs. Or we will be afraid that our donation won't really help. We may be afraid that if we donate there will be no end to them asking for more. Or any number of other thoughts that keep our wallets closed. It is best to examine what you really think and feel in the situation before we make a decision one way or the other.

A larger painful situation I, personally, struggle with is the problem of homelessness. It brings up sadness, fear, even hopelessness. I have been homeless but I had friends who helped me out of that situation. I know a little of how it feels to not be able to keep myself housed. So I can empathize with those who are homeless. The people I see on the street who are homeless are in much worse situations than I was, so I can imagine how scary and hopeless they must feel.

I have no problem with donating money and/or items to help them with their daily needs to survive. I can do that without leaving my comfort zone. But I confess that I am fearful of being personally involved in their lives. I fear they may be using drugs or alcohol and my help only supports their addiction. I fear they may be a physical threat if I don't keep my distance. I fear they may be mentally ill and dangerous. I fear they will resent me because I have more than they do. I feel vulnerable and fearful. I feel guilty and ashamed  that I have these thoughts and fears.

I wonder if I would be more brave if I were young and healthy rather than being an old woman with disability. Or am I using that as an excuse to push past my comfort zone. I don't honestly know. I do know that if I were more brave I would like myself better.

Am I being too hard on myself? Do you struggle with doing acts of kindness that are outside your comfort zone? What situations are hard for you? What thoughts and feelings keep you from acting with compassion? How are you brave?

*The Kindness Cure, How the Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart & Your World, by Tara Cousineau, PhD

Vulnerability