Who Do You Ask for Help?

Asking for help seems to be one thing that we have troble doing. What is it that makes it so hard? If we can't do something on our own what is the problem of asking for help? If we struggle on alone we may not do whatever it is as well and we will miss the opportunity to strengthen the relaltionship.

In our society most people seldom ask for help for themselves. They will ask for your help for a project that helps others. They will ask you for donations for a cause. But when it comes to asking you for help for them they get stuck.

Even family members struggle with it. Not long ago my granddaughter wanted us to babysit her baby but was hesitant to ask. She made kind of roundabout statements about never having time for herself to be with friends without taking the baby. I was more than happy to keep the little one and said so.

Maybe she was afraid I wasn't able to do it or wouldn't want to do it and didn't want to create any tension between us. I don't know. But it was the kind of situation where I could have and would have said no if it wasn't o.k. with me and I'd not feel guilty.

So is it fear that keeps us from asking for help? What do we fear? We fear looking weak. We fear being thought of as greedy. We fear will be seen as "less than" in other people's eyes. We fear they will say no to our request. We fear being criticized. We fear becoming dependent. We fear we are imposing on the other.

What fears can you identify in avoiding asking for help?

As I age there are more and more things I'm unable to do myself. And I struggle with asking for help. I'm terribly independent and don't want to give up any of my independence. But does askng for help really diminish my independence? When I look at it logically the answer is "of course not." So what keeps me from asking?

I don't want to impose on anyone. That is kind of silly, really. The person I ask is perfectly free to say no to my request. Am I afraid of rejection? Hmm. I suppose. But not asking makes the statement that I don't trust them enough to take care of themselves by setting and maintaining boundaries. When someone says no to a request it isn't about me. It is about them and what they want or need. I really don't have the right to not ask and deny the relationship the opportunity to gain trust and good will.

So what if they say ""no"? Thank them for being honest with you and go ask someone else! Or ask them to suggest someone who could help you. Not everyone will say no.