Where Does Your Anger Come From?

Anger is considered a "secondary emotion" because it is triggered by other "primary emotions" - fear and/or pain.

There is so much anger going around these days. We are in a very anxious/frightening time in our country. And many are feeling pain, emotional pain or physical pain.

So, is anger helpful? That is debatable. Sometimes anger can give us the energy to confront that which we are afraid of or to do something to relieve the pain. That would be helpful if we acted with considerable and thoughtful behavior. All too often, however, we act out with violence, destruction, or denial.

We are seeing a lot of that harmful behavior in the news. Violence is sweeping our nation and taking a toll on all of us. Vandalism as a hate crime, demonstrations that become riots, mass shootings, increased use of drugs and alcohol to blot out feelings, all these are angry behaviors. And they are not at all helpful. They tend to trigger more anger.

We need to examine what is really going on with us when we are angry. Address the fears rationally and take steps to reduce the risks we fear. Address the pain with compassion and care. And refuse to let drugs and alcohol deaden our feelings and make matters even worse.

While this may all sound simple, it certainly isn't easy. That's why anger is being channeled into harmful behaviors. It seems easier than confronting our own fears and/or pain. When we see other people acting out in anger, we need to remember that they are afraid or in pain and to help them deal with their primary feelings.

It really helps when dealing with an angry person to understand that their primary feelings are not being addressed. It helps to know that if we relate in an empathetic manner that the anger can become more useful by using the energy to create resolutions.

So next time you witness someone's anger, try to imagine what it is that triggers that anger, what fears or pain are they experiencing. And treat them with compassion.

And next time you feel angry, check out your primary feelings and see what you can do to help yourself move beyond the anger to resolve your pain or fear.