December, The Month of Giving

Lots of gift-giving in December. This year pay attention to what and to whom you give. Consider this month as a time to develop a regular giving attitude to carry though the new year. Make every month a giving month.

I know you will be giving holiday gifts to your friends and family. Try lifting you eyes a bit higher, look a bit farther. Who might NEED a gift? What can you give to someone who is beyond your family and friends. Consider doing something for someone who is elderly and has few family and friends; someone who is struggling to make ends meet, maybe unemployed; someone who is homeless. You get the idea.

Consider using your talents or skills for someone who needs something you could do. Take some time (half an hour) to listen to Les Brown talk about giving.

What Would You Give for Your Well-Being?

What have you lost by giving? Money? Goods? Experiences? Your savings? Your time? Other resources? Are you suffering a deficit because of your generosity? 

So why is generosity a good thing? Why give if we lose? Doesn't seem very practical, does it?

Yet we give. And most of us want to be generous. It is a positive characteristic, to be a giver.

Generosity is a paradox. While it is true that we "lose" that which we give, in return for giving we receive! The Paradox of Generosity, Giving we receive, grasping we lose by Christian Smith & Hilary Davidson is written from their academic study of generosity. The book is quite readable, will all the technical research stuff in the back of the book. And it has interesting insights.

To measure well-being they looked at happiness, bodily health, purpose in living, avoidance of depression, and interest in personal growth. People without these are not flourishing. Their study looked at practices of generosity, not single generous acts, repeated behaviors that involve recurrent intention and attention. So, basically, a generous person is happier, healthier, lives purposefully, avoids depression, and ins interested in their personal growth.

Sounds like what we'd all like to be. The authors demonstrate in their research that generosity and well-being correlate significantly between the two. They present empirical evidence that American's generous practices are strongly associated with grater well-being of the generous givers.

What about a causal relationship? Which causes which? The arrow points in both directions. Greater well-being often facilitates generosity. And at the same time, generosity also enhances the well-being of the giver. 

America has been call "the most generous nation." But what is the truth of the matter? The authors report that the truth is that the results are mixed. Many Americans are quite generous in various ways and they are more likely to enjoy the benefits of generous practices. While on the other hand many other Americans live fairly ungenerous lives. They are less likely to voluntarily give money to valued organization and causes. They don't volunteer their time and labor to others. They don't extend themselves much in relationships with family, friends, and neighbors. And these less generous people are less likely to have the benefits of generous practices.

So, what do Smith &Davidson mean by "generosity"? For the purpose of their research they mean "the virtue of giving good things to others freely and abundantly."  It is conceived as a learned character trait involving both attitudes and actions. It requires both a disposition to give liberally and active practice of giving liberally. You have to want to be generous and to act generous, to actually give to others in some way.

It isn't just giving anything from you abundance but giving those things that are beneficial to others. A generous heart will share what they have that would benefit another. It is important that we consider how our "gift" benefits the other. How often do we donate our no longer needed clothing without considering how it will benefit another? We do it more to get rid of stuff than to really consider the needs of others beyond our left-overs. 

There are many ways to be generous. We can give our time to work without pay [volunteering]; we can give money to the causes we believe in; we can express generosity to family, neighbors, friends; we can give blood, become an organ donor, loan possessions, include estate giving in our wills. Sometimes giving time to just listen when someone needs a sympathetic ear can be a very generous act. Random acts of kindness are generous practices.

"Giving we receive, grasping we lose." Learn more about the benefits of generosity in The Paradox of Generosity by Christian Smith & Hilary Davidson. And increase your own well-being while you give to benefit others.

 

'Tis the Season!

Yep. It is that time of year when nearly everyone is thinking about giving gifts. Holiday gift-giving keeps the economy going. Americans spend huge amounts of money on holiday gifts, decorations, and celebrations.

What all goes into gifting? Obviously, our money goes into gifting. But what else? What feelings do you have for those that you gift? Some of those we give to are loved ones, close friends, people you truly care about. You know about what they like, what they may want, what they need. And you strive to find something nice that they will appreciate.

I know that we have been shopping for family already and thinking about what each person is interested in and/or wants. The better we know them the easier it is to find "just the right gift" for them. For me that is the fun of gift shopping.

There are some folks who ask for a list of what you want, I suppose it is to make it easier for them to shop. But it becomes all too easy to just buy whatever is on the list and not really take the time to think about it. And I wonder if it is really as much fun for the recipient of the gift to know ahead of time what they will be getting. Anyway, we spend a lot of time AND money figuring out what to give.

This year, why not give something that really comes from you? By that I mean give something that is part of you, like time, companionship, assistance, conversation, fun. What might you give that says to them that you are giving something of yourself?

• You might be good at needlework, woodwork, or some other craft and spend time making a gift for them. 
• Maybe you love to cook or bake and could give them something they like to eat. 
• Maybe you could make a gift certificate that promises to help them do some task they could use help with. 
• Maybe instead of tickets to some entertainment you could TAKE them and spend time having fun with them. 
• Maybe you could invite them for an evening with you and your family at your home or on an outing - skating, bowling, etc. 
• Maybe you could put together photos in an album for them to share and remember special times.
• You might take the time to write a personal letter, by hand, that says what you like, appreciate, and/or respect about the person. 

While you still might choose to buy a gift, I encourage you to also consider the gift of YOU. Building connections is so important in this day and age when everything is fast paced and impersonal. While keeping in touch on-line may feel like connection, it is a pretty tenuous connection. Let's go beyond the surface this year and take some time to build relationships.

Even those folks we gift that we don't know well - people we work with, people who work for us, the mail carrier/paper carrier, teachers, etc. - can have a "special" gift when you put a note in a card that says you appreciate what they do. Go beyond the usual little gift by adding your thanks, hand written thoughtfully. Take a moment to think of all the people you come in contact with on a somewhat regular basis and what you appreciate about them. Then put it in a note to let them know. Little things can mean a lot.

What are some other ways we can "give ourselves away"? Please share your ideas in the comments.

How Do We Give?

Compassion is a theme for me. It is what I aspire to, a guideline for living my life. I'm not always good at it. And I'm consciously exploring more and better ways of being compassionate. Recently I was chided for being too easy on haters. I said we need to consider that their hatefulness is a symptom of their inner woundedness and we'd best address that before attacking their behavior.

But I also am aware that some kinds of help are not at all helpful. In fact, in some instances it can create an unhealthy dependency that leaves wounds of its own. So, how we give in ways that are most helpful?

Marvin Olasky, author of The Tragedy of American Compassion. says that for any help to be truly helpful it must have three elements:

1. It must "challenge and equip people to participate actively in permanently solving their own problems."
2. It mus recognize that poverty is not fundamentally a financial problem but is rooted in a spiritual brokenness. This is what creates generational poverty. "Effective compassion will address the source, not just the symptom."
3. The help must be personal, administered so as to recognize the dignity of all people. Personal dignity and relational integrity needs to be restored. People are always in relationship with other. That broken relationship, of one kind or another, is most often a contributing cause of poverty.

Impersonal charity does little to lift a person's dignity. Put a face on the gift so that the recipient knows there is at least that one person who wants to lift them up, who acknowleges their person-hood.

While I do still donate money to some causes, because it costs money to raise awareness of the need. I much prefer funding that is personalized. Perhaps that is why there is currently a surge in sites like GoFundMe that give the donor a personal view of the need.

I, personally, like to donate to KIVA. "Kiva is an international nonprofit, founded in 2005 and based in San Francisco, with a mission to connect people through lending to alleviate poverty." They celebrate and support people to create a better future for themselves, their families, and their communities. They fund people to empower them to support themselves.

What you contribute is a loan, not a donation. It is paid back by the recipient. You can choose what part of the world you want to contribute to and what kind of endeavor you want to support. And "when a Kiva loan enables someone to grow a business and create opportunity for themselves, it creates opportunite for others as well. That ripple effect can shape the future for a family or an entire community.

I also like to contribute to educational opportunities for those who may not have the financial ability to pursue their education. Education is an investment that empowers people to make a better future. We support Native American colleges as a way of empowering American Indian youth to rise above the poverty and dependence created by the reservation system.

Even one of my own small personal gift is to occasionally purchas quilt batting for a handful of women on an Indian Reservation who make quilts to sell to help support themselves and their families. In the past I've enlisted friends to help me buy winter wear for American Indian children on the Rose Bud Reservation to enable them to go to school in the bitter cold winters of S. Dakota. I do these things through personal relationships I have developed with people on the rez. They know that there is someone named Lucinda who cares about them. It is personal.

Of course, there is other giving that is part of being compassionate. Giving good, used clothing to the homeless and unsatisfactorily housed in our city is an easy thing to do. And while it isn't as personal as actually handing the things to the individuals who need them, it is more personal than a check written to an organization. Even so, the checks are necessary to keep the organization running.

And I like to do things for the elderly poor because they cannot be empowered with income to improve their lives financially. I usually enlist friends to help me buy either electric heaters or warm outerwear for the elderly on the Rose Bud Indian Reservation.

It is vital to each of us to find a way to give. Giving to others improves not only our self esteem, but also our health. It has been shown that being charitable greatly improves our health, even produces endorphins that make us feel better!

To whom and how to give is an important decision, however, if we want our help to be truly helpful.

If you are interested in helping with any of the giving I do to the Rose Bud, please let me know. Everything we send is greatly appreciated. If you are interested in giving to KIVA you can check it out at www.kiva.org.

I'd love to know what your favorite charities or your favorite ways to give help are. Please share them in the comments section below.

A To-do List:

• Read Marvin Olasky's The Tragedy of American Compassion and When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbet and Brian Fikkert to better understand the causes and solutions for poverty.
• Be thankful for the opportunities you have to work. Then mentor someone younger in a deeper understanding of work and care for the poor.
• Consider leading a book discussion group on the above mentioned books.
• Find a job training program in your area and volunteer there. Or make a financial contribution.
• Help someone who needs work to prepare a resume, find job skill training or connections with employers.
• If you are able, provide opportunities for people by providing meaningful employment. Or use part of your business' profits for a program that helps the poor find work.

.