The Cost of Kindness

Why are there fewer kind people? Well, first of all, that is an invalid question. There are lots of kind people. In fact, I believe that most people are kind in many ways. However, because kindness has a cost, lots of us pass up the opportunities to be kind to others.

What costs us to be kind? Many acts of kindness cost time. In our rushing through busy, busy days we think we just don't have time. Many opportunities for kindness don't really cost much of our time. But they would interrupt our movement forward. Stopping to help someone can seem like we just don't have the time.

Yet, how long does it take really to hold the door for someone who isn't quite at the door and you have to hold it for just a few seconds longer than it would take for you to pass through the door? How long does it take to pick up litter on your way to or from someplace? If you are really a kind person you might build an extra five minutes into your schedule to make it easy for you to use a few minutes to help someone else.

So, acts of kindness might be inconvenient. They might take you out of your comfort zone, like saying "hello" to a homeless person, even if you don't donate a dollar. Like supporting an unpopular cause or intervene in a contentious rasist verbal barb.

Some acts of kindness might require physical effort, like volunteering on a project with Habitat for Humanity or carrying someone's parcels for them.You might help an elderly person with yard work or home improvements. You might need to step in to help someone get something done.

Some acts of kindness might cost you money, large or small amounts. You might give money to a vagrant or donate to a charity. It is more meaningful when you give generously rather than "small change"

So there is nice - and there is NICE. Small sacrifice or large sacrifice may be the opportunity that comes your way.

In spite of the sacrifice, helping others, being nice, has a big payoff in making the world a better place.

Help?

Sometimes the needs that we see around us seem too big for us to make a difference. But really, all you need to do to help is to ask others to help you help.

That's not a tongue twister. That is a truth about generosity. You will be surprised how many people are willing, even eager, to help others. They just don't know how or where to lend their energy. So when you see a cause that you believe in that needs support. Engage your friends and family in helping you to help that cause.

One of my areas of interest is homeless people. Recently I learned about a family that had finally made it out of homelessness to rent an apartment. They can now have a place off the streets and out of crowded shelters. However, they used all their money for the apartment and have nothing but a roof over their heads. 

They are grateful for that, of course. But now they need a way to remain in a rental. The father has a job that doesn't go far enough. They lost everything they had in the last house they lived in, so can use almost anything you can think of.

I went on FaceBook and told their story and ask for donations of household items, clothing, food, etc. And hour later I had people offering all kinds of things. Now I will coordinate collecting items and getting them to the family.

People want to help, they just don't always know how. You can be a catalest that changes lives when you ask others to help you help. I do this kind of thing often and it never ceases to amaze me how generous people are.

Try it. Let me know how it works for you

.

Can You Imagine?

Can you imagine what it would be like if you were a refugee?

This has been on my mind a lot lately as we raise awareness of the plight of refugees here and around the world.

What if your city, your home, and all around you were caught up in a war that destroyed everything you owned and took away your freedom. What if there were fighters who wanted to kill you and your family. What if you were a woman or girl and they kidnap you and rape you? What if . . . 

What would you do?

And what if you were "rescued" and sent to America where you didn't speak the language or didn't know anyone there?

What if . . .

And here we are, safe and sound. What can we do to help refugees here and around the world. IRC helps refugees around the world. And the Community Refugee and Immigration Service helps people in Columbus. (http://www.crisohio.org/)

Will you help?

What Have You Done for Them Lately?

So, you identify suffering in the world. What have you done to help those that suffer? Come on, you must have done something. Have you done more than think about it? Have you looked for ways you can help?

If you truly want to be a hero, you have the capacity to make a difference to alleviate  the suffering in some measure. What can you do now?

Feeling the need is more than you can help alone? How about joining with others trying to help? Or invite friends and families and other groups to help with you.

Tell me what you want to do and I'll try to help you find a way to do it. Or ask other folks for ideas.

Be a hero! DO something!

How Do We Give?

Compassion is a theme for me. It is what I aspire to, a guideline for living my life. I'm not always good at it. And I'm consciously exploring more and better ways of being compassionate. Recently I was chided for being too easy on haters. I said we need to consider that their hatefulness is a symptom of their inner woundedness and we'd best address that before attacking their behavior.

But I also am aware that some kinds of help are not at all helpful. In fact, in some instances it can create an unhealthy dependency that leaves wounds of its own. So, how we give in ways that are most helpful?

Marvin Olasky, author of The Tragedy of American Compassion. says that for any help to be truly helpful it must have three elements:

1. It must "challenge and equip people to participate actively in permanently solving their own problems."
2. It mus recognize that poverty is not fundamentally a financial problem but is rooted in a spiritual brokenness. This is what creates generational poverty. "Effective compassion will address the source, not just the symptom."
3. The help must be personal, administered so as to recognize the dignity of all people. Personal dignity and relational integrity needs to be restored. People are always in relationship with other. That broken relationship, of one kind or another, is most often a contributing cause of poverty.

Impersonal charity does little to lift a person's dignity. Put a face on the gift so that the recipient knows there is at least that one person who wants to lift them up, who acknowleges their person-hood.

While I do still donate money to some causes, because it costs money to raise awareness of the need. I much prefer funding that is personalized. Perhaps that is why there is currently a surge in sites like GoFundMe that give the donor a personal view of the need.

I, personally, like to donate to KIVA. "Kiva is an international nonprofit, founded in 2005 and based in San Francisco, with a mission to connect people through lending to alleviate poverty." They celebrate and support people to create a better future for themselves, their families, and their communities. They fund people to empower them to support themselves.

What you contribute is a loan, not a donation. It is paid back by the recipient. You can choose what part of the world you want to contribute to and what kind of endeavor you want to support. And "when a Kiva loan enables someone to grow a business and create opportunity for themselves, it creates opportunite for others as well. That ripple effect can shape the future for a family or an entire community.

I also like to contribute to educational opportunities for those who may not have the financial ability to pursue their education. Education is an investment that empowers people to make a better future. We support Native American colleges as a way of empowering American Indian youth to rise above the poverty and dependence created by the reservation system.

Even one of my own small personal gift is to occasionally purchas quilt batting for a handful of women on an Indian Reservation who make quilts to sell to help support themselves and their families. In the past I've enlisted friends to help me buy winter wear for American Indian children on the Rose Bud Reservation to enable them to go to school in the bitter cold winters of S. Dakota. I do these things through personal relationships I have developed with people on the rez. They know that there is someone named Lucinda who cares about them. It is personal.

Of course, there is other giving that is part of being compassionate. Giving good, used clothing to the homeless and unsatisfactorily housed in our city is an easy thing to do. And while it isn't as personal as actually handing the things to the individuals who need them, it is more personal than a check written to an organization. Even so, the checks are necessary to keep the organization running.

And I like to do things for the elderly poor because they cannot be empowered with income to improve their lives financially. I usually enlist friends to help me buy either electric heaters or warm outerwear for the elderly on the Rose Bud Indian Reservation.

It is vital to each of us to find a way to give. Giving to others improves not only our self esteem, but also our health. It has been shown that being charitable greatly improves our health, even produces endorphins that make us feel better!

To whom and how to give is an important decision, however, if we want our help to be truly helpful.

If you are interested in helping with any of the giving I do to the Rose Bud, please let me know. Everything we send is greatly appreciated. If you are interested in giving to KIVA you can check it out at www.kiva.org.

I'd love to know what your favorite charities or your favorite ways to give help are. Please share them in the comments section below.

A To-do List:

• Read Marvin Olasky's The Tragedy of American Compassion and When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbet and Brian Fikkert to better understand the causes and solutions for poverty.
• Be thankful for the opportunities you have to work. Then mentor someone younger in a deeper understanding of work and care for the poor.
• Consider leading a book discussion group on the above mentioned books.
• Find a job training program in your area and volunteer there. Or make a financial contribution.
• Help someone who needs work to prepare a resume, find job skill training or connections with employers.
• If you are able, provide opportunities for people by providing meaningful employment. Or use part of your business' profits for a program that helps the poor find work.

.