How Do You Love?

Love is an action verb. That means something must happen for the verb if you use it appropriately. Yes, love is a noun, too. But in verb form it must have an action. So how do YOU love?

It is an important question to explore. When you say you love something or someone, what do you actually do? Do you just feel all warm and fuzzy when you think of them or are with them? If that is the case, is it really loving them or loving the feeling you are having?

When you love your mate/spouse your behavior toward them will be caring, nurturing. You will do things they want. You will enjoy being with them and tell them so. You will communicate by word and deed your caring.

When you love your child, or any child, you will take care that they are safe and well. You will not do them harm, at least not intentionally. You will do things that provide safety, nurture, fun.

When you love your pet you will treat them, in many ways, as you do a child. You will see to their wellbeing, see that they have their needs met. You will be sure they are safe, they are sheltered, they are fed, they have clean water, they get exercise.

When you love your country you will take care of it as well.

What have you done that defines your love? We are coming through a very difficult time in our country. There is division, fesr, anger, even violence against others. None of these things are love.

Let's make love. No, not sex. Let's provide safety and wellbeing in our country for all people. Actually, if you want to make the world better, let's love the world.

Do You Really Want to Change the World?

We say we want to stop the hate, to change the direction of our leaders, to solve the problems of drugs and guns and community violence.

We say it, but what do we do about it? What have you done about it? Really. What can you do about it?

It is so much easier to talk about change than it is to actually act on it. Just try something as simple as first putting your shoe on the foot opposite to the foot you usually do. We just naturally do it the same way every day. Doing it differently takes some thought, we have to pay attention and not do it mindlessly. And we'd have to do it over and over to make it a habit. It is the same with any behavior change. Maybe we just don't know where to start to change the world.

Maybe the need for change is so all encompassing that we don't believe we will make a difference. Maybe it seems too big for one person. Well, it is and it isn't. Every action on our part creates reactions. We can consciously choose actions that are most likely to have a positive reaction. And even small actions make a difference.

Often our small action just naturally creates positive reactions in other people and it moves outward like the pebble dropped into water moves water outward. You smile at others and give a cheery greeting and those others are uplifted and more likely to spread cheer. That difference is increased by enlisting others to take action too.

Maybe real change will require changing leaders by electing those who are more likely to behave with compassion. You can help register like-minded people to vote and help them get to the polls. You might choose to actually campaign for leaders you believe will make a difference.

We want to see more compassion, more love, more positive action from people. In order for that to happen we have to mirror that. We must develop our compassion for others. We must act and react in a more loving manner. We must encourage others to do likewise. And we must do it over and over until it becomes a habit.

You have a voice and can use it to work for solutions to the problems of drugs and gun violence. Just look at what the teens in Parkland, Florida, are doing.

The important thing is for you to really want to change - yourself and others - enough to take steps toward change. 

What steps will you take today?

How to Be a Hero: Lesson 3

So, you see a need that you care about. The next step is to DO something to fill that need. And there are plenty of needs to choose from. But pick one that tugs at your heart, because you need passion to make a real difference.

You may feel passionately about people living in extreme poverty, about starving children, about people trapped in violent settings, about children dying unnecessarily of preventable diseases, about people without clean drinking water, about girls forced into genital mutilation, about boys being stolen to be soldiers in terrorist armies, about people freezing to death during the winter, about people made homeless by war or other violence. There are so many more causes you might choose from. 

Don't become overwhelmed by the number of needs in the world. You can't fix everything. And, on your own, you may not be able to fix anything. But joining with others you can save numerous lives.Where will/have you begin/begun? 

Personally, I address several needs. I donate blood as often as I can. That costs me nothing but a few minutes a month. And I know that access to blood transfusions when life depends on it is a life-saving act. 

I also address poverty by donating to KIVA. It is an organization that makes micro-loans to people in  need of a bit of money to start or expand their small business in poor countries. The borrowers get the money interest free and pay it back in small increments. When the money is paid back the donor can choose to loan it to another person who wants to work their way out of poverty. My gift goes on and on.

Another of my passions is the poverty in our own country on Indian Reservations. Once I'd seen the depth of poverty in S. Dakota's Rose Bud and Pine Ridge Reservations I was determined to do what I could to help. Each winter I ask my friends and family to donate money for items for the elderly poor on the Rose Bud Reservation to help them survive the bitter winter there. And at the end of summer I collect money to send school supplies for the children whose families can't afford to provide them. 

These are easy enough for me. I don't really feel any of it is much of a sacrifice. Sometimes the money for the elderly there is a challenge, but I have never done without anything I needed by sending it. You see, like the example of saving  the child in the fish pond in my last blog, I have all my basic needs met and can afford to give up some of the wants when I see a need.

I give to other causes throughout the year to a lesser degree. There are always people who need and deserve help. So when I can, I give to those as well. But as I explore this issue and look at what I have in my life, all the basic needs filled in my life and many wants besides, I think i can do more.

Because of my age and health I'm no longer able to do much physical help, and I regret that. I've had some wonderfully fulfilling experiences doing for others what they couldn't do for themselves. But now my physical contributions are much smaller - like crocheting hats for newborns in Honduras and grocery-bag-sleeping mats for the homeless who live on the land or the streets locally. I do mending for folks who can't do it for themselves. But I want to do more. Do you have ideas for me? I'd appreciate suggestions.

In a way, this blog is something I do to help others. My mission is to make a positive difference in the world and to help others do so as well. I'd appreciate your questions and/or feedback on what you are, or want to be, doing to change the world. Maybe another reader needs to know your ideas and suggestions.

Please comment.

It's Something You Do

It's action. It's a noun, but it is action. Kind of breaks the rules of grammar, right? Verbs are action words. But "kindness" isn't a verb, not grammatically anyway. This noun "kindness" requires action.

It isn't enough to think kind thoughts, although that isn't necessarily a bad thing. That is sure better than thinking unkind thoughts. But kindness requires that you actually do a kind act. Not just a "nice" behavior, but a kindness.

This means that you first of all have to care. You have to care about the situation where kindness is needed, not just about how you will be perceived or recognized if you do it. Kindness comes from the heart. You feel the need for kindness.

Then you think about what you can do. So, yes, you need to use your brain to decide what to do. This is important because you want to consider the consequences of your behavior. You may care about the situation but not every behavior will help. Sometimes our choice of behavior can harm someone or make the situation worse. So we have to consider the possible consequences before we choose to act.

Sometimes a little research is necessary to know what will do more good than harm. We need to know what will or won't help, what is going to potentially make things worse. We need to consider if our behavior will enable someone to continue in a harmful path. Finding a down and out person who has lost all he or she has gambling might not benefit from a cash gift with no support for dealing with their gambling addiction. So kindness often means getting to know the situation better. It would be kinder to spend time with that person to find out what brought them to this state of being and to encourage them to seek help for their addiction.

Kindness is often more than a one-shot gesture. To be truly kind one must make personal contact with and sometimes a commitment to where the need is. To be truly kind it must make you stretch a bit out of your comfort zone. Perhaps you can only donate money. Money can be an important part of helping in a situation. But to be truly kind you need to give enough that you have sacrificed something yourself. No, you don't have to give up everything you have to be kind. But do stretch. Make the gift meaningful by investing part of yourself in it.

It's wonderful to have good intentions, beliefs, thoughts, and words. But what matters, ultimately, is what we do, the actions we take. "Our deeds are with us wherever we go. For good or ill we cannot be free of them. We are the beneficiaries of our deeds. We inherit their effects. We suffer - or enjoy - the consequences of our deeds."*

"Help your sister's boat across the water, and your's too will reach the other side.Kindness is its own motive. We are mad kind by being kind." (Eric Hoffer, The Passionate State of Mind)

* A Short Course in Kindness, Margot Silk Forrest.