Love the Haters

You can't destroy hate with hate. Only love will break through the hate. But how to love hateful people? When there is hate coming at you from all direction, how do you keep love alive?

That is a current issue that isn't easy to resolve. Keeping love alive is a full time task. We have to make "love" an active verb. Do love. Be kind. Be what you want to see in others.

Don't feed hate by thinking about it all the time. It is easy to close ourselves off in the face of hate, it is our own defense mechanism. But we need to set realistic boundaries and be open to caring about others, even the haters. Love the person and reject the hate.

Compassion for haters is sometimes very difficult. They say and do things that hurt us or others. And it would seem to be logical to cut ourselves off from them. And in some circumstances that is good protection. But while we reject the hateful words or deeds, we need to work hard to not reject the hater, the person acting out their hatred.

Care about them. See the fear that fuels their hatred. See how they refuse to see any other perspective and, therefore, are unable to behave differently. Use patient perseverance to use calming responses without fueling their fear. But you don't have to accept their hurtful behavior. And you don't have to accept their hate.

Listen to what they say. Try to see it from their perspective. Address their fear, not their hate. Are they afraid they will lose something? Are they afraid of change? Do they feel threatened by your perspective?

Hate is usually a result of fear or pain. Try to see that in their belief, their hatred. You don't have to argue, simply state the relevant facts and notice how they deflect and refuse to even look at your perspective. This will tell you that changing them is probably not possible.

Not easy, is it? But only love will overcome hate. And you don't have to continue to engage with them to love them. Be steadfast in your love of others and trust the universe to dissipate their hate. Encourage others to love their neighbors, until there is more love n the universe than there is hate. 

Kids Know

We can learn a lot from kids. They know things we've forgotten. We probably knew them when we were kids. But somehow growing up has taught us to ignore what we knew then.

Children are wise beyond their years. They can teach us about love. And in this Valentine month, let's see what they know about love in this YouTube video:

How Do You Love?

Love is an action verb. That means something must happen for the verb if you use it appropriately. Yes, love is a noun, too. But in verb form it must have an action. So how do YOU love?

It is an important question to explore. When you say you love something or someone, what do you actually do? Do you just feel all warm and fuzzy when you think of them or are with them? If that is the case, is it really loving them or loving the feeling you are having?

When you love your mate/spouse your behavior toward them will be caring, nurturing. You will do things they want. You will enjoy being with them and tell them so. You will communicate by word and deed your caring.

When you love your child, or any child, you will take care that they are safe and well. You will not do them harm, at least not intentionally. You will do things that provide safety, nurture, fun.

When you love your pet you will treat them, in many ways, as you do a child. You will see to their wellbeing, see that they have their needs met. You will be sure they are safe, they are sheltered, they are fed, they have clean water, they get exercise.

When you love your country you will take care of it as well.

What have you done that defines your love? We are coming through a very difficult time in our country. There is division, fesr, anger, even violence against others. None of these things are love.

Let's make love. No, not sex. Let's provide safety and wellbeing in our country for all people. Actually, if you want to make the world better, let's love the world.

Teach Love, Not Hate

Love Is an Action Verb

Practice teaching love by what you say and what you do. Today is a good day to start.

Thanks YouTube for these videos "Teach Love, Not Hate"  and "Crazy J- Spread Love Not Hate Music Video.

How to Be Happy!

                                       
What does it take for you to be happy? More money? More time? More fame? More what?

Adam Smith gets to the heart of the matter. He wrote in The Theory of Moral Sentiments "Man naturally desires, not only to be loved, but to be lovely." And Russ Roberts explains in How Adam Smith Can Change Your Life what Adam Smith was talking about.

Smith didn't mean that you must be physically attractive to be happy. And he wasn't talking about love in the narrow sense that we think of it today. Remember, Smith was an 18th Century writer and the language was a bit different than now.

He saw love as being noticed, being liked, respected, honored, Being loved means to matter to others, to be valued. And being "lovely" is to deserve love, to be the person who does that kind of loving. To be the person who does the right thing, the lovely thing.
                       

The reason we pursue money and fame is because those bring us notice, respect, etc. At least that is how it seems. But if that is so, why are there so many successful people who are unhappy? Why would someone with money and fame ever want to destroy themselves with drugs, alcohol, suicide?

Smith believed it is because even with the money and fame if you don't believe you deserve it, you will be unhappy. And while we can fool ourselves about how good we are, we know deep down how much we hide from others.

Some people think that success is what destroys us. Smith points out that "It's the passionate pursuit of success that corrodes the soul." It is when we put success ahead of all other values. How often do we choose to sacrifice time with our loved ones in order to be more successful in our careers? What choices have we made to be successful that betray our basic values.
                                                     
On the other hand, what are you willing to give up in order to do the right thing, the "lovely" thing? How do we succeed as a spouse, a parent, a good friend? We are faced with these decisions every day. The challenge is to be "lovely". And to not fool ourselves about who we really are.

Smith said that if you want to be rich and famous, powerful, successful, you have to give up leisure and ease and careless security forever.

"And you have to toil and have anxiety and endure 'mortifications' - pain and shame - if you want to make it. You have to work hard. You have to give up tranquility. In return you get a great deal of attention. People want to know what you think, they look to you for how to dress and seek and behave. When you enter a room, all eyes are on you. And the envy and admiration that everyone else has for the great make the price that is paid worthwhile, at least in the eyes of many." (Russ Roberts, How Adam Smith Can Change Your Life.)

Fooling ourselves about our "loveliness" is the easiest thing to do. We rationalize our behavior to look good in our own eyes. We "do good" because we are watched by some external eye or by ourselves. What if no one is watching? Who are we then? Imagine an impartial spectator who can help you know yourself and help you become a better you.

And no matter how you see yourself, it is vital that you accept yourself as "lovely. " To be happy we must notice, like, respect, honor, and value ourselves! We can only do that when we are honest with ourselves. Humility is required.

In my next post I'll explore Smith's ideas of how to be "lovely."

Backlash From the Campaign Trail

Everyone acknowledges that the recent presidential campaign was the nastiest in recent history. Lots of antagonistic and hateful rhetoric bombarded us via all kinds of media. Hate was spewed at many different groups of people. America is till reeling.

The Southern Law Center reports a dramatic rise in incidents of violence and threats of violence against blacks, immigrants, Jews, LGBTQ, and other minority groups. They note 892 hate groups in the United States. They even have a map that locates those groups [https://www.splcenter.org/hate-map] They report significant rise in school harrassment and bullying related to the hate speech during the campaign and since.

This is all very troubling. And if all we know comes from the media and the internet, we can easily believe that the whole nation has become a hate-filled society.

But if we look closely there is a growing backlash of LOVE rising in the country. The nation's awareness has been raised at how much hurtful words and behaviors are filling our television, social media, newspapers, etc. And good people are feeling empowered. They are getting involved in what is happening in their communities and in Washington.

More people are stepping out of their comfort zone to be helpful, to stand up for anyone being intimidated, to share good news, to bring hope. On FaceBook there is more and more examples of goodness, of acts of kindness, of good news. The group Pantsuit Nation and the Safety Pin project are examples.

And look at the number of people who have shown up at Standing Rock to support the Native American people protecting the water and demanding justice. More people are volunteering to work on projects to help immigrants and to protect Muslim mosques and black churches. People are protesting the KKK demonstrations in greater numbers. Sexual assaults are being spotlighted and victims are getting heard. And women are organizing to march on Washington in January.

Mosques are holding open house programs to educate non Muslims about Islam. I attended one in our city last week and the number of people who attended was overwhelming. The Imam stated that they had rented one hundred chairs thinking that would be more than enough. Twice that many people showed up. They were all respectful and asked good, thoughtful questions. I gave me hope that there can be healing and peace among people of all different backgrounds.

So, while the campaign was very difficult and had some very negative consequences. There is also a growing backlash of love. Let's keep it going. Share some examples you see of people coming together in peace, people caring for those who have been maligned in the campaign, and of emotional healing and growth. Share ideas for acts of kindness.

Justice through Love

This past Saturday I had the privilege to hear Dr. Lawrence Carter speak at the Christian Theological Seminary Commencement Service in Indianapolis, IN. Dr. Carter is Dean of the Martin Luther King, Jr. International Chapel at Morehouse College and the  Honorary Doctor of Divinity, awarded Saturday, for his impact in helping train leaders for the African American Church.

His topic was "Where the Moral Arc Bends" and he spoke on justice through love. I was thrilled to hear someone at his level of influence espouse the same principles I've been reading and writing about. It is people like Dr. Carter who are making possible the more beautiful world we believe is possible.

He reminded us that "Darkness cannot be overcome by darkness. . . and Hate cannot be overcome by hate." Yes, only light can overcome darkness and only love can overcome hate. If we are to change this culture of hate and violence, we must love those who hate.

Certainly not always easy,  it is what Nelson Mandela used to prevent a blood bath in Africa with a program of reconciliation and forgiveness. It is what the family of the victims of the Charleston, S.C.,church shooting did with  Dylan  Roof, the man who murdered their loved ones. When we respond to hate and violence with more hate and violence, no healing can occur. It is what causes war and more bloodshed.

This doesn't mean that there should be no consequences to the haters, only that justice must be gentle, measured out with love. Harsh punishments create more hurt, more anger, more pain, more violence. Working in prisons all those years certainly convinced me of that. Too many of the men came out of prison with more anger and hate than before they went in.

Dr. Carter works diligently to create equality and respect for all living things. There can be no justice, no peace, when one group of people is valued less than another, when the needs of some are ignored or withheld.

And I loved it when he stated that "anyone who disrespects the earth also disrespects all women." Women are more closely connected to earth, to our Mother Earth. And people who disrespect Mother Earth are destroyers of life itself.

Yes, it was gratifying to hear someone with Dr. Carter's influence to promote peace and justice through gentleness and love.

Today's Daily Dozen To-do List:

• Keep your neighborhood looking its best by promoting a regular neighborhood cleanup day for homeowners.
• To reduce air polution carpool, take public transportation, bike, or walk.
• Use a clothesline to dry your clothes instead of a dryer.
• Make sure your car has a tune-up regularly. Unchecked cars can waste fuel and pollute the environment.
• Use recycled paper. And recycle the paper used in your household.
• Try not to buy foam packing materials or aerosol products.
• Make birdhouses and feeders or other wildlife feeding stations. These could even be sold as a fundraiser.
• Support recycling programs in your school, business, or neighborhood. Analyze the ones already in place and suggest improvementsj.
• Help maintain park, bicycle, and recreation trails. And never litter.
• Clean up the yard of a neighbor who is unable to do that task, who is ill, has had surgery recently, or has had a family emergency,
• Clean up litter on a stretch of road near you. 
• Donate to an organization that supports a healthy environment.