For a Better World, Become a Better Person

No matter how good you think you are as a person, there is always room to be better. How can we determine where and how we can be a better person?

YouTube offers several videos that can help. I think this one is the best to use to check out areas in our life that need to be improved. Check yourself out against this list of 12 Virtues.

Which virtues do you want to improve? What will you do to actually improve that/those virtues?

We can think of things that would make the world better. I believe that more of us worked on these virtues the world would BE better.

Practice.

How Do We Honor?

Honor as a verb is loosely used in this age. It means to give great respect or esteem. And we just yesterday were reminded to honor those who lost their lives to terrorists in American on 9/11/01. And there were ceremonies at the sites where they died. How do the rest of us show great respect or esteem to those lives?

Some chose to be silent on FaceBook during the times on the clock from the first impact to the last. Some put out their American Flags. Some relived that day in their memories and with the videos in the media again. There were news articles about the continued deaths of first-responders from breathing the toxic dust that day and days after.

So is that the best way to give great respect, high honor? Do we continue to focus on their deaths? Is there a way to honor their lives, not just their deaths? Have we respected their lives?

Do we even know anything about their lives? We heard about them at the time - who had children, who were married, who had been brave, who had been generous, etc.

Perhaps we could hold fund raisers in the name of those who died to fund scholarships for the children and spouses of those who died, including those first responders who survived to face health crises as a result. Definitely we must fund the medical costs of survivors.

Perhaps organizations could be created that support peace-making convesrsations between Muslim and non-Muslim people in cities across the country in the name of preventing future conflicts that result in creating hatred and terrorists.

How would you honor the lives lost on 9/11? Are there ways we can carry the memory of that day forward with positivity in the future?

I Think My Brain Is on Vacation Without Me!

I couldn't think of anything for this blog post! I had days to consider it, and still came up empty. I thought my brain was not working.

Well, it wasn't working well, that was evident. So I went on YouTube to see if there was any help there for me and my brain. And I found this video. If you have twenty minutes have a look. It can help you not only energize your own brain but you can learn to energize other folks' brains.

Hope it helps.

Hot Enough for You?

Since 1998 the world is getting hotter. Are you a heat lover or heat heater? What happens when you are too hot for too long?

So, be sure to hydrate!

Can You Believe That?

The way we get through life is by the decisions we make. Yes, really. You have the personal power to choose behaviors that move you closer to your goals or away from your goals. But most of us are not very aware of how we make those decisions. We just kind of muddle along reacting to life, to others' behaviors, to circumstances.

What we actually do is act on what we perceive. And what we perceive is base on what we believe. We see what we believe. Think about it. If you believe you will do well on something the likelihood of doing well is greater than if you believe you won't.

And if we see someone behaving a certain way our belief system determines what we interpret their behavior to be - good, bad, stupid, smart, etc. And our perception of their behavior usually determines our reaction. I saw a video clip recently where a guy turns a corner running and the first person he sees he tells to run. They both then are running down the street without the second guy knowing why he is running. We believe that if someone is running down the streat shouting "run" that something is coming that is harmful. After a few steps the second guy looks behind him and sees nothing. Then he stops running, even though the first guy is still running. He challenged his belief and discovered that it was faulty.

There was an exercise I did with male inmate in prison were I ask them why two inmates would have different reactions to the news that their wife was pregnant? They caught on pretty quickly that it would depend on how long the inmate had been in prison, because if he'd been in for more than a few months he'd know the child wasn't his. So while one inmate was thrilled to think he was going to be a dad, the other is angry that his wife has been "screwing around."

What we believe had a lot to do with how we perceive the world and our reactions to it.

So why is this important to know? Because some beliefs cause you choose harmful behaviors and to change those behaviors you have to change your beliefs.  But changing a belief can be problematic, especially long-held beliefs.

These may beliefs you've had for as long as you can remember. They were "taught" to you by your family, consciously or unconsciously. If you've grown up in a very disfunctional home you will believe that your family is normal and their behaviors are normal. All men are like your father or all women are like your mother, etc. Obviously that belief is going to cause some problems for you when you are an adult and forming relationships.

Or they may be beliefs you've learned from your own experience - you can't trust police officers, you must do things yourself because you can't trust others.  These beliefs also have some negative consequences when you base your behaviors on them..

When a behavior choice causes you problems, identify your belief about it and challence its veracity. Is it true? Is it always true? How might you choose a different behavior to respond to the problem? How might you reduce the negative consequences of the old behavior choice? Make a plan to do something different and decide if it changes the outcome.

Alcoholics do this to stay sober. All addictions can be addressed like this in order to make healthier behavior choices. I didn't say it was easy, did I? And if you care enough about changing your behavior it will be worth the effort.

You are what you believe!

What Can I Do?

The world's a mess. Our country's a mess. My life's a mess. What can I do? The problems are huge, overwhelming. What can I do? Too much needs fixed. What can I do? I feel powerless. What can I do? 

When was the last time you had any of those thoughts? It is easy and not unusual to get overwhelmed and feel powerless when you are surrounded by so many problems. 

What CAN we do? We all face it at some point or another. And, beleive it or not, there are things we can do!

• First we must confront our negative thinking. Yes, things can get bad and it can be scarey or frustrating. And we don't have to give power to that to make us feel bad. We can remind ourselves that we have choices. We can remind ourselves that we can't fix everything on our own. We aren't soley responsible for making all the messes go away.

• We can do small things that affect the big things. For instance, we can work for change with other people to address the problems. We don't have to try to fix everything at once. We can set priorities for our use of personal energies. 

• We need to identify the specifics of the problems. World hunger? World poverty? War? Refugees from war/violence? What one part of the world's mess calls to you? Join with other like minded folk to work toward changes that address that problem. Maybe you are able to actually go to another country to address its needs. But probably you aren't. So find ways to support those who can. Have a fund-raiser to raise awareness and financial support. Contact those in power to convince them to use their power to resolve the problem.

• There are lots of things we can do to address the messes in our own country. Be specific about what the problems are and address those that call to you. We can do everything from political pressure to influence those involved. We can elect local and national officials who will address those needs. We can actually serve the people who have the needs for things to survive and thrive. We can be involved in groups and/or donate to groups addressing the problem.

• And ask yourself if your life truly is a mess, or are you just overwhelmed by all that goes on around you. To change your life you need to be specific about what needs changed. Then make a decision to make those changes, even if you need to ask for help. Asking for help for yourself is just as important as asking for help for the causes you believe in. Because without you they may suffer. You can't give what you don't have.

So basically what is needed is to take the time to be specific about the needs and to be realistic about what you can do to address those needs. Remember, of course, that you can't meet them all. Other folks need to help. 

In order to no longer feel powerless you need to embrace you're personal power to choose what to think, feel, and believe. You can choose to believe that you have nothing to contribute, or you can choose to believe that there are ways you can help - others and yourself.

• Control your thoughts and you will control your feelings. Really. I know most people don't believe that, but it is true. If you think you can't do something you are choosing to feel helpless or powerless and depressed/afraid. Now. obviously, that doesn't apply to impossible things, like thinking you can jump off a tall building and not be hurt. But think about it. If you think you can't do anything right you will feel like a failure without even considering all the thing you've done right to get you to where you are at the moment.

• And then there are your beliefs. Many people think they don't choose their beliefs. But where do you think they come from? Someone or something has taught you your beliefs. If they are helping you live a good life, then maybe you need to consider teaching yourself something different.

I used to be a mental health therapist in male prisons and it was easy to see that many of them were in prison because they had faulty beliefs. Some believed that the laws were only made to be broken. Some believed that the only way to get what they wanted was to use violence. Some believed that they couldn't deal with life without alcohol or drugs. And those beliefs were not working for them. As long as they held those beliefs they would keep coming back to prison.

What beliefs are causing you problems? Maybe in the next blog post we will take a look at that. Tell me what you think about all this "personal power" that we each have?

Who Do You Ask for Help?

Asking for help seems to be one thing that we have troble doing. What is it that makes it so hard? If we can't do something on our own what is the problem of asking for help? If we struggle on alone we may not do whatever it is as well and we will miss the opportunity to strengthen the relaltionship.

In our society most people seldom ask for help for themselves. They will ask for your help for a project that helps others. They will ask you for donations for a cause. But when it comes to asking you for help for them they get stuck.

Even family members struggle with it. Not long ago my granddaughter wanted us to babysit her baby but was hesitant to ask. She made kind of roundabout statements about never having time for herself to be with friends without taking the baby. I was more than happy to keep the little one and said so.

Maybe she was afraid I wasn't able to do it or wouldn't want to do it and didn't want to create any tension between us. I don't know. But it was the kind of situation where I could have and would have said no if it wasn't o.k. with me and I'd not feel guilty.

So is it fear that keeps us from asking for help? What do we fear? We fear looking weak. We fear being thought of as greedy. We fear will be seen as "less than" in other people's eyes. We fear they will say no to our request. We fear being criticized. We fear becoming dependent. We fear we are imposing on the other.

What fears can you identify in avoiding asking for help?

As I age there are more and more things I'm unable to do myself. And I struggle with asking for help. I'm terribly independent and don't want to give up any of my independence. But does askng for help really diminish my independence? When I look at it logically the answer is "of course not." So what keeps me from asking?

I don't want to impose on anyone. That is kind of silly, really. The person I ask is perfectly free to say no to my request. Am I afraid of rejection? Hmm. I suppose. But not asking makes the statement that I don't trust them enough to take care of themselves by setting and maintaining boundaries. When someone says no to a request it isn't about me. It is about them and what they want or need. I really don't have the right to not ask and deny the relationship the opportunity to gain trust and good will.

So what if they say ""no"? Thank them for being honest with you and go ask someone else! Or ask them to suggest someone who could help you. Not everyone will say no.