False Evidence Appearing Real

                                                         Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay 

F.E.A.R.: False Evidence Appearing Real

Fear is a natural reaction to a present threat. It helps us protect ourselves from present danger. It is when the danger isn't present but is anticipated that can keep us stuck, prevent us from moving forward.

Check out this article by Ed and Deb Shapiro

Overcoming-f-e-a-r-false-evidence-appearing-real from AWAKEN.

Don't let these fears keep you frozen, unable to move through them. We can't afford to let fear win.

Fear: I See It Everywhere

The only way to diminish all the anger and violence is to reduce the fear. Anger or pain are the most common causes of fear.

People feel angry when they fear losing something important to them, or when they are in pain. Remember the last time you stubbed your toe or hit your finger with the hammer? What word did you say - or at least want to say?

So, we see a lot of anger and violence, and we seem to have trouble understanding why. It is because of all the fear and pain (including emotional pain) people are experiencing.

People are afraid to wear masks because they think they will lose their right to choose more than they fear the Covid 19 virus. They tell themselves that they wouldn't die of it, and usually don't consider that they might have permanent organ damage from it.

People are in pain from losing jobs, income, the ability to provide for their family. They are in pain from losing social interactions, from losing loved ones to Covid-19, from dealing with so many changes in their lifestyles. People fear they will lose their home, their belongings. They lose contact with their elderly family members in long term senior facilities.They fear losing their plans and dreams of their future.

People are afraid of losing things that they care about. Some of their fears are realistic - but not all. Many are based on "what ifs" that have very little chance of happening. Some are things they can prevent if they put their minds to it and ask for help. Some are things they are told or seen in the media that are just not true. The T.V. and Internet send out false information to sensationalize the information and to manipulate the public to do or not do things.

People fear themselves. Well, actually they fear learning who they are at their center. And all this time of quarantine and isolation leaves them without their usual busyness, and they are confronted with "empty time". For many, this is very scary, and they frantically fill it with TV marathons and constant time on their cell phones and internet checking out all the sensationalized posts.. Or they compulsively cook or bake and eat. Or their addictive behaviors get out of control.

Depression and anxiety increase. We hear of more and more suicides and murders.

Fear and distrust multiply when the truth and lies compete for their attention. This is why we see so much anger and violence. This is what we must confront in order to find our way of the chaos.

Start by looking within yourself. Get to know your own feelings of fear and develop a method that helps you confront your own fears. Then listen to others to learn what supports their anger or pain. 

It is only when we reduce the pain and anger, the situations that create those  feelings, that we can begin to reduce the chaos. We must provide accurate and true information and confront the false, manipulative information. We must teach ourselves and others how to deal with those fears, to confront the likelihood of the occurrence of what is feared and/or develop plans for how to prevent or deal with them if they do.

We need to take back the power of truth, honesty, integrity. It is time that we addressed the problems and not just the symptoms, the pain and fear and not just the anger and violence. Of course, we can't ignore the violence, but we must work extraordinarily hard to reduce the pain and fear that fuels it.

We must make peace in our communities and our country. We can't wait for someone else to do it. We must invest our time, energy, money in changing the experiences that cause pain and fear.

Only we can make this a better world

Image by Wokandapix from Pixabay

Anxious?

                                                           Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

If you aren't anxious at some level, you aren't paying attention. There are a lot of things going on that can be frightening and frustrating. So much we don't know, yet we have to deal with it. 

Let me remind you that almost everyone is dealing with some level of anxiety. When people are anxious they can be irritable, angry, depressed, quarrelsome. 

Living with such limitations right now can bring out the worst or the best in a person. You can choose that for yourself. But you can't control that for others.

So, tread lightly with family, friends, and neighbors. Find an outlet for yourself or your kids. Do something to burn off the anxiety without causing greater problems. 

Limit alcohol and drug use. It only makes things worse. Ask yourself what you can do to help others in this time of trouble, then do it.

If you are healthy, donate blood. Contact your local Red Cross and arrange for a safe donation. They desperately need blood.

Check in with your friends and family, by email or phone or skype. Make connections without physical presence. 

If you are healthy and out of work, supermarkets are hiring people to clean and restock shelves.

Don't let yourself get mired in a sense of total powerlessness. We may not be able to control the virus completely, but we can do our part to reduce the risk for people. We must all pitch in to do what is necessary to beat this invisible enemy. Physical distancing, washing hands, cleaning surfaces, avoiding touching your face. Wash your hands. Please.

And please stay home to protect everyone from spreading the disease.

Be safe. Be cautious. But be determined to do your part.

                                                              image by Prawny from Pixabay

What Does Your Fear Do?

Why do we do, or not do, what will get us where we want to be? Why don't we do what we know we "should" do to get us there? What do we fear?

Fear of failure? Fear of loss? Fear of embarrassment? What fears hold you back? And how do you break through that fear?

Check out this YouTube video of One of The Best Speeches Ever.

Where Does Your Anger Come From?

Anger is considered a "secondary emotion" because it is triggered by other "primary emotions" - fear and/or pain.

There is so much anger going around these days. We are in a very anxious/frightening time in our country. And many are feeling pain, emotional pain or physical pain.

So, is anger helpful? That is debatable. Sometimes anger can give us the energy to confront that which we are afraid of or to do something to relieve the pain. That would be helpful if we acted with considerable and thoughtful behavior. All too often, however, we act out with violence, destruction, or denial.

We are seeing a lot of that harmful behavior in the news. Violence is sweeping our nation and taking a toll on all of us. Vandalism as a hate crime, demonstrations that become riots, mass shootings, increased use of drugs and alcohol to blot out feelings, all these are angry behaviors. And they are not at all helpful. They tend to trigger more anger.

We need to examine what is really going on with us when we are angry. Address the fears rationally and take steps to reduce the risks we fear. Address the pain with compassion and care. And refuse to let drugs and alcohol deaden our feelings and make matters even worse.

While this may all sound simple, it certainly isn't easy. That's why anger is being channeled into harmful behaviors. It seems easier than confronting our own fears and/or pain. When we see other people acting out in anger, we need to remember that they are afraid or in pain and to help them deal with their primary feelings.

It really helps when dealing with an angry person to understand that their primary feelings are not being addressed. It helps to know that if we relate in an empathetic manner that the anger can become more useful by using the energy to create resolutions.

So next time you witness someone's anger, try to imagine what it is that triggers that anger, what fears or pain are they experiencing. And treat them with compassion.

And next time you feel angry, check out your primary feelings and see what you can do to help yourself move beyond the anger to resolve your pain or fear.

Hate, Anger, Violence

There seems to be a lot of hate, anger, and violence in our country right now.  I think it is rather staggering how much is evidenced. It isn't just in the media, even though that is where it is seen so often. It is also in the actions of what are otherwise average everyday people.

This week a friend has been treated with blatant bigotry by workers who have been contracted by her landlord to do work on her rental property. They have been not only rude but also verbally abusive. My friend is afraid that if she complains to the landlord, who is a friend of the workers, she will be asked to leave her home. They don't have a lease and she is disabled with little income.

The workers must be afraid of her different-ness. That is the usual base of bigotry. People too often fear what they don't understand.

Fear seems to rule much of the misbehavior around us. People who are afraid easily become angry, hateful, violent in word or deed. It is a vicious cycle. Too many of us now are caught up in a culture of fear.

We need to break that cycle. More than ever we need to practice kindness. Acts of kindness can mitagate the negative feelings and actions of others. Kindness can create a culture of caring. We need a tidal wave of Random Acts of Kindness.

I'm copying my March 7, 2018 post because it addresses this perfectly. Here it is again:

The Kindness Campaign encourages you to do acts of kindness every day. Some folks have trouble thinking of things to do, at least until they get into the habit of finding ways to be kind. So, if you need some ideas I'll try to list some for you.

Be aware of what others are doing. Who might you assist? Take your time at the grocery store so you can be aware of someone who might not be able to reach the top shelf, or someone who could use help putting their grocery bags into their car.

Is there an elderly person who needs help with something they are no longer able to do themselves? Do you know someone who dosn't have a car and could use a ride?

To whom might you verbalize your thanks for what they do? Be aware of all the things others do to maker life better or easier for someone and thank them for their behaviors. Have you told a wait-staff person thank you for their specific service? Or maybe you see someone in uniform [armed services, or emergency first-responders]. Tell them you are grateful for the work they do. There is a long list of service people that seldom get thanked, or even noticed. Thank your janitor at work and your spouse at home.

Look around wherever you are for little things you might do, like pick up litter, put shopping carts where they belong, re-shelve something that has been dropped on the floor at a store. Put away a family members scattered items when they are having a hard day. Take over a chore from someone who could just use a break.

Drop a card in the mail for someone you haven't seen in a while, or for someone who is ill or having a struggle with something tough. Write a letter to someone who seldom gets mail, maybe an elderly person confined to home or a facility.

Start visiting someone who is in a facility that has few visitors . Even if you have never met, you can make a new friend and make their day.

Invite a friend or two to come for a meal.

Maybe you can baby sit for a busy mom who could just use a couple of child-free hours.

Have you noticed that these acts of kindness are very inexpensive? You don't have to be wealthy to make a difference in someone's life.

Yes, they might take a little time. So slow down a little and make time for being kind.

And I know that you can think of things yourself when you make Kindness your intent. Kindness is contageous. Pass it on.

 

What Fear Is Holding You Back?

What would you do if you weren't afraid? Would you stand up for someone being abused? Would you march in protest? Would you run for office? Would you change careers? Would you reach out to homeless people you see on the street? Would you mediate conflicts?

What would you do? Listen to Nancy Sathre-Vogel talk about how fear keeps us from doing things we think we should or we want to do.

What WILL you do? How will you confront your fear?

Hate: What Is It Doing to Your Life? To Mine?

Been hearing a lot about hate these days. And seeing a lot of hate behavior. I'm seventy-five years old and I've never seen or heard so much hate.

That doesn't mean hate wasn't busy messing up the world before now. It has. But now it is in my living room, on my computer screen, in my newspapers, almost anywhere I look there is hate.

People with guns parading on the streets of America proclaiming hate is just not what I ever though would happen here.

I know that bigotry and hate are nothing new. But it now seems to have taken on a life of its own and begun to wash over everything. People who hate have been embolden to shout their hate openly, without masks, and wearing weapons.

If you are filled with hate for someone or some thing, it will just eat you alive. It will gobble up your energy and kill your spirit. You will only be able to see things through the window of your hate.

 It would be easy to take on the hate of others, to hate them back. Hating the haters only makes you one of them. You deserve better than that. And the people in your life deserve better than that.

"Hate is: Judgement Directing Anger" [https://personaltao.com/teachings/healing/resolving-feelings-of-hate/] This is an insightful way to examine hate. Anger is at the bottom of hate. And judgement focuses it in the direction of whom or that which we judge.

I'm using "judgement" in the Biblical sense here. We all have to make judgments every day about who or what to trust, of course. But in the sense of judging whether a person is good or evil is a different kind of judgement. When we take on the burden of determining a person's spirit we take on the burden of being a God, and that is indeed a heavy burden.

I believe that people can do evil things. I worked in prisons for nearly twenty years. I worked with men who had done very evil things. But I think I only met two men that seemed to embody evil. And as a therapist there was little I could do to change that. Only spiritual healing can rid evil from a person's soul.

So exploring hate can begin with exploring or examining the anger. Anger is a secondary emotion that comes from fear or pain. It is why you want to curse when you hit your thumb with the hammer. It is why you become angry when you fear losing something important to you. Anger can be used constructively, of course. But hate cannot. Hate only destroys.

And when I see people expressing hate I realize that they are angry. They are angry about perceived loss. They are angry about their suffering. They are afraid.

It seems to me that the best way for us to diminish hate is to address the needs of those folks. They are afraid. They are afraid of losing their power or status or security or identity. They need our compassion. Like children who are angry and afraid they need comfort and courage to confront the changes they are experiencing.  When you meet a child's tantrum with aggression things get worse instead of better. When you discover what the child is afraid of you can better deal with the anger.

Now that doesn't mean we should not call out those who are acting in destructive ways. Of course their behaviors must have natural and reasonable consequences. But it means that we don't have to see them through the lens of hate. And our lives don't have to be destroyed by us taking on their hate.

We are in a very difficult time. We need to keep ourselves safe while we resist the forces against us. We need to keep our inner selves free of hate. And we need to use our anger to resist without violence. Only then can we win over hate.

Hate Groups Are Alive and Well, Thriving Even

The Southern Poverty Law Center has identified 917 active hate groups in the U.S. And these groups are growing in membership and in activity.

"Since Election Day, we've tracked more than 1,000 hate incidents and exposed Trump's anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, and anti-LGBT advisers."

They identify hate groups as having beliefs or practices that attack or malign an entire class of people, typically for their unchangeable characteristics.

Hate is fed by fear. And fear is fed by perceived threats. These days, fear seems to be the prime motivator of our government's politics. Wild stories about the dangerous-ness  of certain groups stirs up unrealistic fear in those who have no understanding of the targeted group and their beliefs or practices.

The way to reduce hate and fear is to foster understanding. We need to educate ourselves and our neighbors about the targeted groups. We need to get the real facts that go beyond the slogans or "fake news."

What do you really know about Islam? What are the real statistics about black violence? What is the truth about LGBT people and their lifestyles?

When we know the truth, when we know individuals in those groups we will have less fear and will smother the hate.

Visit a mosque. Dialog with people of different races. Become friends with LGBT people. Invite them to your groups and into your home. Do your part in fighting hate.

For specific details about hate groups in your state, go to www.splcenter.org/hatemap.

Are You Afraid?

These days I find myself being fearful. This isn't normal for me. When fear controls us it seems as if self-interest is the only way to survive. I see a lot of "evidence" that we should separate from others, hang on to what we've got so we don't lose it, pull into our own little circle to be safe.

When self-interest becomes the norm we believe we can't afford to give, to share, to be open. After all, if we give we won't have enough for ourselves when "they" come for it. Doesn't matter who we think "they" are. Maybe it is the "enemy", those who are different from us, the government, whatever.

Fear abounds and we go into defense mode.

However, that fear is what will destroy us. It destroys the inclination to share, to give, to connect outside our tiny circle, to be a part of the greater good, of the world. And together, we really are stronger. I am determined to resist this tendency to fear that which "might" happen.

In the next few days, look at what you are encouraged to fear - Be afraid of people who look different, sound different, believe different. Be afraid of losing your rights, your income, your home, your freedom. Consider if that fear is based on reality or on supposition. When I was working in the mental health field we used to say that "fear" was False Evidence Appearing Real. So much of what we are led to fear is based on false evidence.

Think about this: A ferocious lion is looking at you, moving closer. Are you afraid? Sure, you think. But if that lion is in the zoo and there is a glass wall between you and the lion, you need not be afraid. Is your fear based on fact then? How much of what we fear is based on supposition? It is based on "what if". We ignore the fact that there is that wall between us and the lion. We fear the "what if". It is fantasy because the conditions you fear do not exist. It is not a "clear and present danger." There are facts we've ignored.

Of course, it makes sense to be prepared for what is most likely to occur, but how likely is it really? And does being prepared mean you must live in that fear and withdraw from the rest of your world? Does it mean you must huddle in your own little corner, watching out for that lion that someone says is prowling about, and looking out for no one but yourself?

This is what seems to be happening in these uncertain days. We have lost sight of who we are as a member of a large and strong group of people who can make the world a good, caring, and safe place for one another when we join together. We can.

Let's not be afraid to reach out to others, to be the solution rather than the problem. Let's give our time, talents, and resources to the greater good. We will make each other and ourselves stronger.

What do you think?

Who Do You Hate?

I've been examining my own issues during these challenging times. Do I hate? Are there people I hate? What is hate, really?

The word is defined as "an intense or passionate dislike for (someone)." Well, I admit I have an intense dislike for people who are dangerously hateful. Does that mean I hate? I always thought to hate someone meant you dislike them so much that you wish them harm. I don't wish anyone harm. Does that mean I don't hate? Kind of tangled, isn't it? I think I fear those kinds of people, but do I hate them?

I hate behaviors. Do I then hate people who behave in ways I hate? My religion taught me to hate the sin but love the sinner. And I do that. I worked as a Sex Offender Therapist. I never hated my clients, in spite of the fact that they did terrible things to others, did things I hate.

I wonder if we don't confuse anger with hate. We get very angry and think that we hate the one we are angry with. But anger and hate are the same. I can get angry with someone I love. In fact, the more we care about someone the greater the chance for intense anger when they hurt us. Anger is a secondary emotion. It results from pain or fear. We feel angry when we are hurt - emotionally or physically. Thus, the cursing when someone hits their thumb with the hammer! It is fleeting, though, in that case. We feel angry when someone hurts us emotionally, resulting in name calling when you are insulted or betrayed. This, too, CAN be fleeting, if we don't hang onto the anger as a defense.

And we tend to be angry at what we fear. Not always, of course, but it does happen. And this kind of anger often looks like or becomes hate. Consider the fear of losing what you value when change occurs. For instance, the fear of immigrants taking jobs or getting violent, fear of that which we don't understand. It all gets very tangled, indeed.

So, how much of "hate speak" is really "fear speak"? The dictionary defines hate speech as "speech that attacks, threatens, or insults a person or group on the basis of national origin, ethnicity, color, religion, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, or disability." We've heard a lot of it lately. And when I think about it, it is often based on lack of knowledge about the person or group or on a fear planted by someone else that folks buy into. Like the anti-Muslim hate speech that tries to paint all people of that faith with the terrorist brush. 

We seem to refuse to acknowledge that the majority of terrorist attacks in the U.S. over the years have been by people who identify themselves as Christian. When violence is done in the name of religion in our country the perpetrators are churched folk. Consider the KKK, the neo-Nazi, and anti-gay activists. Then there are the people who shoot doctors who perform abortions and those who burn black churches.  And how much of that behavior is based on misplaced fear? 

Are you as tangled as I am about hate these days? What are your thoughts? Are you able to identify who you hate? I don't even want to hate. But do I?

Comments?

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Hate at First Sight? Ten Ways to Break the Cycle of Hate

Hate seems to be popping up everywhere these days. What is hate, anyway? And why do we react to it so strongly? Can hate be useful? Is it harmful? Can it be neutralized?

The dictionary defines hate as "to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry." While hate is always around, somehow the current intensity is extreme. Is it contagious? Where does it come from?

I think it comes from a society that has become more and more separate. We have become more disconnected, which makes it harder to see others as people just like us. Hate dehumanizes its victims. 

Hate can be in a number of forms - religious hatred, racial hatret, national hatred, ethnic hatred, class hatred, political hatred, and on and on. And it threatens the well-being of all of us. With the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, unbridled hatred can result in horrendous tragedy.

Neuroscience has studied the structures and chemicals in the human brain generating negative emotions, such as hate and fear, with the hope of curbing its terrible influence in the world. This is important because, as we have seen, blasts of hate sweep away civility and tolerance, spurring individuals to commit acts of savagery and pitting group against group in combat that can become vicious and deadly. 911, Orlando's club Pulse, terrorism around the world are examples that are all too fresh in our minds.

Nazi Germany was caught up in it and committed unspeakable acts of torture and genocide. The slaughter of Native Americans in the 19th Century and the oppression and terrorism in the Middle East today are all part of this madness.A history filled with hatred fueled violence is long and bloody: The wars of religion that ripped Europe apart, the Napoleonic Wars, the 75 years of ferocious hot and cold world wars begun in Sarajevo in 1914 through the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989. And the cycle of violence may be starting again. It must be rooted out of not only the caves of Afghanistan but also out of the human mind.

Our brains don't come pre-programmed to hate. However, certain fears appear to be innate forms of survival. Fear and hate are closely related, however. When fear becomes chronic we develop hate for that which we fear. Hate becomes an instant response to the feared object. We develop a severe aversion to it. We learn to hate.

Research also suggests that hate develops when people are feeling trapped, overwhelmed by a sense of powerlessness. And the more separate we become the less power we seem to have and the easier it becomes to feel trapped.

And how do we approach the task of rooting hate out of our minds? We certainly don't do it by stoking the fires of hatred with hate speech and fear-mongering. We don't do it by dividing people into categories. We don't do it by limiting choices and reducing personal power over one's life. We don't do it by looking at people as "other", as "not us." 

Rush W. Dozier, Jr. in Why We Hate, Understanding, Curbing, and Eliminating Hate in Ourselves and Our World suggests ten strategies "that, when used in tandem, could prevent hate from ever developing and minimize or eliminate hate where it has taken hold." These strategies are: be specific, empathize, communicate, negotiate, educate, cooperate, put things in perspective, avoid feeling trapped, immerse yourself, and seek justice not revenge. He writes that "each of these strategies is designed to maintain the advanced neural system's control over the darker forces of the primitive neural system and end the vicious cycle of hate."

Let's look at how this might work. 

1. Be specific. Identify any source of anger, pain,or threat specifically. This keeps it rational. This is especially important with children. Rather than a general negative comment help the child see what specifically is involved, with the focus on that rather than labeling the child as deficient in some way. So what is it about someone or something that distresses you and how is that specific to that person or thing rather than lumping into a category that dehumanizes and separates.
2. Empathize. Look at the "other" as "us". Seek to understand the other's thoughts and feelings. Put yourself in their shooes. If you can understand what specifically motivates them, you stand a better chance of reaching accord with them, or at least coming up with the best strategy for outwitting them. Recognize  our common humanity. Refuse to ostracize, stigmatize or demonize the object of your hatred. When we empathize we are not likely to fall into mindless hostility and demonization. The more you exercise empathy the the stronger it becomes. The brain is programmed to learn.
3. Communicate. Simply communicating the specific reasons that you feel angry or threatened can help dissipate negative emotions. Again, it is important to be specific in your communication. If you only talk about your negative feelings in generalities and streotypes [hate speech], anger can be intensified and hatred fueled.
4. Negotiate. Seek to negotiate constructively and specifically toward a resolution of confict and anger. Good two-way communication can help bring about healthy compromise. 
5. Educate - yourself and others. So much of hate and prejudice comes from sheer ignorance. The more specific knowledge about an individual group, or culture you have the less likely you are to buy into stereotypes - the breeding ground of hate. Sophisticated and rigorous education tends to be good for the brain, allowing it to serve as a defense against primitive urges and impulses of violent responses. Education must, however, include empathy, specificity, and other elements of this strategy.
6. Cooperate. Whenever possible, work with others in beneficial ways. This builds bonds of trust to replace feelings of hate. Working with others to achieve a common goal can erase the us-them divisions. 
7. Put things in perspective rather than overreacting. Evaluate if your anger is really worth it or if the threat is really that important. Going thourgh this analytical exercise engages the advanced neural centers of the brain and suppresses the primitive neural system, reducing the "knee jerk" reactivity.
8. Avoid feeling trapped.  Use all the previous steps in this strategy. If you are unhappy in a situation, let people know in a constructive way and negotiate some changes. If you discover there is nothing you can do tho change things, start exploring opportunities elsewhere or put things in a different perspective by redefining the frustrations you feel as creative challenges that could lead you to a new level of personal growth. Exploring frustrations a challenges rather than problems helps you use creative problem-solving skills and your personal power to change.
9. Immerse yourself. Make every effort to seek out opportunities to immerse yourself in a positive way with the source of your hate. Positive immersion, like cooperation and working toward a common goal, tends to activate subconscious mechanisms that erode us-them divisions and primitive emotions. Children tend to quickly absorb bigotry and hatred in their environment, creating lifelong biological consequences of immersion in a negative environment. This can result in neurochemical abnormalities in their limbic systems, leaving them with a permanent tendency to overreact to threats.
10. Seek justice, not revenge. Vengeance tends to lock us into the past. Grievances are never forgotten and the cycle of revenge and retaliation go on for centuries. Nelson Mandela knew this and created a justice system of forgiveness and restitution for his nation to create peace and greater harmony.

Hate is, of course, irrational and quickly becomes habitual. It is resistant to change. Unlike other habits it is often linked to elaborate rationalizations produced by the advanced neural system. People come to believe passionately the warped meaning systems, fooling themselves into thinking they are being completely reasonable when they aren't. Hate can be delusional. People may honestly believe they are doing the right thing. 

As you can see, reducing and eliminating hate isn't easy. It takes focused and persistent effort. However, if we want a world at peace we will need to work diligently at it.

Consider what you hate, what threatens you, what you fear. Look at it with this strategy and see if it makes a difference. Which step worked best for you?

Well explore these steps in the upcoming posts. Be sure to check back. Or subscribe to my blog and follow as they are published.

*Why We Hate: Understanding, Curbing, and Eliminating Hate in Ourselves and Our World by Rush W. Dozier, Jr.

Doubt, Fear, and Pain

Doubt, fear, and pain have an important role in changing the world. When we act from our authentic inter-being we cannot ignore or deny them. Instead of covering up or denying these feelings, however, we need to experience them and heal their deep wound. To not do so only leads us to create more separation and pain in all we do. Doing this healing generates courage for us to act in gentleness and love.

Granted there will be situations when on-violence will not resolve the conflict. But most situations do not require force or violence, even though we have been conditioned to respond that way. Separation is built ito our language, the language of vioence. Have you ever noticed how many situations are addressed as "war"? For instance, the "war on drugs" does nothing to address the causes of drug abuse or the economic factors that influence the trafficking of drugs. No wonder the "war on drugs" isn't working

What other "wars" do you hear about in the media? Do any of them address the need for society to change the situations that create the problem? Most of the time it is the situation that has caused the conflict. When we address the situation as cause we can begin to resolve the conflict.

How about the 'war on poverty'? What is at the base of this problem? There is no doubt that the world produces enough of everything that all creatures need to thrive. So what, then, is the problem? Why are there parts of the world where children are dying of hunger and/or preventable diseases? Consider how our sense of separation maintains this problem.

There is really no excuse for wide-spread poverty.The earth is rich with all we need. Yet policies of fear and greed keep governments from sharing that wealth. Even on the personal level many people are afraid to share what they have with "the others." That sense of "us against them", this is what separates and makes it possible to greedily hold on to what we have, even though we have more than enough.

Consider this definition of wealth: "the ease and freedom to be generous." (1) In a community where we know we will be taken care of by those around us. If we run out of what we need, those we are connected to, where we have a close connection with the land and a sense of belonging, we are confident that there is enough to share. We can be generous. We never fear not having enough.

Instead, though, most of us, at least in the Western world,, live in a culture of separation. Our inner voice says "if I give,I'll just be taken advantage of." "What if I give and have nothing left and no one takes care of me?" "What if I'm alone in the world?"

It is hard for us to believe that we are truly one with the world. When we know that we are one with the world then we know that what we do to the world we do to ourselves - then generosity is natural. When we give, the world gives back. Generosity creates generosity.

When we experience "lack," when we embrace separateness, we tend to see lack as some malevolent force and we separate even more. Then we mock generosity as foolish naivety. The perspective of lack produces more lack and greed. While the perspective of abundance produces more abundance and generosity.

Examine your own beliefs about lack, your own fears of there not being enough, your own wounds of separation. Knowing that there will always be enough when we are truly connected with all of creation will bring you peace. And this is really the only path to peace in the world.

(1) The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible, by Charles Eisenstein

Today's Daily Dozen To-do List:

• For a charity, volunteer to distribute or deliver clothes, food, and gifts.
• Give a donation to a charity that provides food for hungry children and the elderly.
• Volunteer for Meals on Wheels or a similar meal delivery service. Bring kindness and warmth, as well as food, to the home-bound.
• Compliment a recovering addict or alcoholic on their recovery progress. Be as specific as you can about the changes you've observed.
• Collect goods for a food bank or shelter. Look for canned foods with meat/protein that can be eaten without cooking (tuna, chicken, spaghetti with meat, etc.)
• Keep some ready to eat foods in your car to pass on to homeless folks you see begging. Include travel sized toiletries.
• Share your perspective of abundance with others, reminding them that generosity is contagious.
• Post information on FaceBook about charitable organizations that work to reduce poverty and hunger. Encourage folks to support them.
• Volunteer to work in a garden plot in a depressed area of your city. Help provide fresh produce to families who wouldn't ordinarily be able to afford or shop for them.
• Deliver a protein-rich casserole to elderly folk in depressed areas.
• Make fresh fruit available to local summer youth programs.
• Create a support group for unemployed persons, offering encouragement, information, guidance, appropriate clothing for interviewing.  Invite professionals to speak on relevant topics. Network with the unemployment offices.

Pleasure and Desire: friends or foe?

Pleasure and desire, so often touted as our downfall, are in reality a natural guidance system toward fulfillment of our needs, and ultimately to the unfolding of our potential.

We need to relearn trusting them, trusting that we can experience pleasure and desire separate from the addictions that take us away from our true selves and destroy our potential. To do that we need to practice choices that bring joy, that feel right, that feel that they are the very best for us, rather than that which simply distracts us from some uncomfortable feeling.,

Practice experiencing the small pleasures, the simple joys of connection with nature, with loved ones, with music, with beauty. This will strengthen our trust in our pleasures and desires so that we can follow their guidance to our true joy and potential. Play, celebration, mystery, humor, all are part of the process of creating a more beautiful life and a more beautiful world.

What role does fear play in this process? Fear can limit growth. But it also creates a boundary within which growth happens. When growth is pressing against that boundary, then it is time to break through the fear. So the fear to look for is that which feels obsolete, a next step you are ready to take. That fear then should feel exhilarating rather than full of dread. It is the exhilaration of reaching a goal, of climbing higher. It is the nearness of joy.

What of destructive pleasure seeking, then? We know it abounds. It may bring pleasure but does it bring joy? No. Usually this kind of pleasure seeking is a result of pent-up desire, not as authentic desire. When we practice simple pleasures and tap into the pure joy of connection with our deepest desire, those destructive behaviors are no longer building within to erupt in harmful ways. We no longer even want to do them. They don't feel good any more.

The pain we were avoiding has dissipated. We find it easier to deal with, to heal the hurt without those avoidance behaviors we have been practicing. We can live our joy.

"The focus on pleasure, desire, aliveness, and joy offers a guideline for work on the social and political level as well. . . We are offering people not a world of less, not a world of sacrifice, not a world where you are just trying to have to enjoy less and suffer more - now, we are offering a world of more beauty, more joy, more connection, more love, more fulfillment, more exuberance, more leisure, more music, more dancing, and more celebration." (1)

When we can hold onto the vision of that life, we will communicate it as the subtext of our activism. People will respond positively to our knowledge that the things we give up are not nearly as good as the things we will discover, the things that bring us true joy.

When we do this, when we honestly "walk the walk" and practice these new beliefs, our words of activism will have power and our actions will motivate us and others to create that "more beautiful world."

(1) The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible  by Charles Eisenstein.

This post is based almost entirely on the above noted book. 

The Daily Dozen to-do list:

• Experience great music, move with it. Let it fill you with pleasure/joy. Dance! If you can't dance with your feet and legs, dance with your arms, or your head. But move with it.
• Draw something no one will ever see. Let it be a doodle or a free form., Play.
• Ask yourself what would feel good right now. Explore what about that would be good for you, what need it might fulfill.
• Do something anonymously for someone else just because it gives you pleasure to do so.
• Identify one of your destructive pleasure-seeking behaviors and trace it back to the hurt that it distracts you from. Allow yourself to feel that pain and examine the strength that grows from your experiencing it.
• Set aside an hour this week to do a feel-good activity for yourself - read, walk, sing, listen to your favorite  music, play a sport that brings you joy, take a bubble bath, watch a comedy that makes you laugh out loud, etc.
• Explore a new place or idea, just for the fun of it. The only goal in this is to have fun.
• Set aside some time each day to play with your pet or with small children.
• Make or build something that you create with your own hands. Take pleasure in the finished product. Perhaps give it to someone or place it where you can admire your handiwork.
• Sit in your yard or in a park without any electronic devices and just enjoy the plants, look at the sky, watch the clouds. Breathe.
• Cook your favorite food and invite someone to share it with you.
• Sing with the radio in the car or in the shower.

Do Something About the Climate of Fear

These are scary times, aren't they? Or are they? What makes it scarier than other times? Violence? There has always been violence. Uncertainly? There has always been uncertainty. But we now live in a climate of fear. That is what makes terrorism so effective.

And it isn't just the media. Politicians use fear to get voters to support them. Merchants use fear to sell their wares. Power brokers use fear to wield their power. 

So what is this thing called fear that exerts so much power and permeates our lives? Where does it get its power? How does it wrap us up so completely?

The increase in our exposure to violence keeps us anxious, I suppose. The ongoing threat that something bad is going to happen fuels it. Direct and subtle threats bombard us.

"Protect yourself, your home and family" is urged by voices all around us: Get a burglar alarm, carry a gun, keep a guard dog, don't speak to strangers, buy more insurance, stock up on foods, avoid crowds, use antiseptic hand cleaner more often, be wary of bankers, build up the military, build walls between countries, segregate races, prohibit what you don't understand, don't fail - ever, you need more than you have in case you lose some, you must be liked/admired by everyone, and on and on. The messages keep you anxious. We are encouraged to believe we need everything we want and if we don't get it something bad will happen. 

An acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.  Most fear fits that. It makes sense to be aware of your surroundings, but if there is no immanent  physical threat, like a hungry tiger in your living room, it doesn't make sense to go through life fearing tigers.

It makes sense to take reasonable measures to prevent harm to self or others. But the knee-jerk reaction to the miasma of warnings does nothing to make life safer. Actually, it increases the risks. Bigger military creates more fear in other countries, which then creates more likelihood of bigger military clashes. Cooperation is more likely to create peace - and safety - than violent confrontation.

Gun owners are more likely to use a gun than to look for other solutions when confronted with conflict. We don't even train our children in conflict resolution so that they have the personal power to solve their problems without threatening others.

Fear is more likely to incite anger than does reason. And anger tends to lead to violence of some kind, which doesn't make you safer.

Fear can be very helpful when the threat is real. It makes you move to safety, to diminish the threat. You then have time and space to resolve the conflict. But staying fearful leads to making decisions that work against you in the long run.

So, I'm not saying don't be afraid. I'm saying use some logic regarding threats. Avoid knee-jerk reactions and don't increase the climate of fear by gossiping or making threats yourself. Don't pass it on if you don't know how real it might be. Be careful of the "what if's" that heighten anxiety. Be more aware of solutions than potential problems. Live more in the moment than in the imagined future.

Terrorism is intended to disrupt the peace. Obviously, vigilance is good. But hyper-vigilance when there is no credible imminent threat does not create a peaceful life. It doesn't even make you safer. It makes you more vulnerable because you become "trigger happy". Exactly what terrorism intends.

People have rushed to buy guns. Now there are guns in more homes and businesses, and the rate of gunshot victims has skyrocketed. We aren't safer.

So what about fear? Tell me how you experience a climate of fear today? What can we do to be safe AND calm? What threatening messages do you hear frequently? What is your take on fear?