Fear: I See It Everywhere

The only way to diminish all the anger and violence is to reduce the fear. Anger or pain are the most common causes of fear.

People feel angry when they fear losing something important to them, or when they are in pain. Remember the last time you stubbed your toe or hit your finger with the hammer? What word did you say - or at least want to say?

So, we see a lot of anger and violence, and we seem to have trouble understanding why. It is because of all the fear and pain (including emotional pain) people are experiencing.

People are afraid to wear masks because they think they will lose their right to choose more than they fear the Covid 19 virus. They tell themselves that they wouldn't die of it, and usually don't consider that they might have permanent organ damage from it.

People are in pain from losing jobs, income, the ability to provide for their family. They are in pain from losing social interactions, from losing loved ones to Covid-19, from dealing with so many changes in their lifestyles. People fear they will lose their home, their belongings. They lose contact with their elderly family members in long term senior facilities.They fear losing their plans and dreams of their future.

People are afraid of losing things that they care about. Some of their fears are realistic - but not all. Many are based on "what ifs" that have very little chance of happening. Some are things they can prevent if they put their minds to it and ask for help. Some are things they are told or seen in the media that are just not true. The T.V. and Internet send out false information to sensationalize the information and to manipulate the public to do or not do things.

People fear themselves. Well, actually they fear learning who they are at their center. And all this time of quarantine and isolation leaves them without their usual busyness, and they are confronted with "empty time". For many, this is very scary, and they frantically fill it with TV marathons and constant time on their cell phones and internet checking out all the sensationalized posts.. Or they compulsively cook or bake and eat. Or their addictive behaviors get out of control.

Depression and anxiety increase. We hear of more and more suicides and murders.

Fear and distrust multiply when the truth and lies compete for their attention. This is why we see so much anger and violence. This is what we must confront in order to find our way of the chaos.

Start by looking within yourself. Get to know your own feelings of fear and develop a method that helps you confront your own fears. Then listen to others to learn what supports their anger or pain. 

It is only when we reduce the pain and anger, the situations that create those  feelings, that we can begin to reduce the chaos. We must provide accurate and true information and confront the false, manipulative information. We must teach ourselves and others how to deal with those fears, to confront the likelihood of the occurrence of what is feared and/or develop plans for how to prevent or deal with them if they do.

We need to take back the power of truth, honesty, integrity. It is time that we addressed the problems and not just the symptoms, the pain and fear and not just the anger and violence. Of course, we can't ignore the violence, but we must work extraordinarily hard to reduce the pain and fear that fuels it.

We must make peace in our communities and our country. We can't wait for someone else to do it. We must invest our time, energy, money in changing the experiences that cause pain and fear.

Only we can make this a better world

Image by Wokandapix from Pixabay

Are You Serious?!?

Are you Serious?!? People say that when you tell them something the find hard to believe is true. But I'm asking about your demeanor. I am serious too much of the time while I'm recouperating from this injury. It is hard to keep a sense of humor when I'm in so much pain.

But even when I'm not in pain I tend to be a serious person. Oh, I usually have a sense of humor. I can laugh if something is funny. On occasion I can even be silly. But I an inhibited by my concerns about what others might think. My sense of humor is more likely to be present around people I trust - my spouse, my offspring.

When I was working I was in an environment that was very serious. I worked in male prisons. In one job I worked in a psychiatric unit in a prison. So you can see that having a sense of humor might make one vulnerable. Not a condition I wanted to be in. Just being a female authority in a male prison was vulnerable enough.

What about you? How's your sense of humor? Does it help you? How?

"Humour or humor is the tendency of experiences to provoke laughter and provide amusement. The term derives from the humoral medicine of the ancient Greeks, which taught that the balance of fluids in the human body, known as humours, controlled human health and emotion.

People of all ages and cultures respond to humour. Most people are able to experience humour—be amused, smile or laugh at something funny—and thus are considered to have a sense of humour. The hypothetical person lacking a sense of humour would likely find the behaviour inducing it to be inexplicable, strange, or even irrational. Though ultimately decided by personal taste, the extent to which a person finds something humorous depends on a host of variables, including geographical location, culture, maturity, level of education, intelligence and context." [YouTube]

What makes things funny? Check out this TedTalk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysSgG5V-R3U

Check out what is funny today. Check out when you were funny today.

Where Does It Hurt?

There are different kinds of pain - emotional pain and physical pain. I've had plenty of the first in my seventy-seven years. Maybe we will look at emotional pain another day. But recently I've been dealing with the physical kind.

I fell two weeks ago and ended up pretty laid up with pain for more than a week. I broke the large joint in my big toe and pulled a muscle in my glutes. It was very painful and I spent most of my time in a recliner, sometimes reading, sometimes watching videos, sometimes dozing. Only in the last three days have I been able to walk unaided and wearing a "boot" on one foot.

I have a pretty high tolerance to pain, usually. So it has been a surprise for me to have this much pain for this long. And being the most independent of types, I hate not being able  to do for myself.

Now, I know we have each had some kind of pain in our lives, probably both emotinal and physical. And how we react to that is different for each of us. Personally, I usually try to hide my pain, both kinds. That isn't the healthiest way to deal with it.

Pain is a symptom that something isn't right. We need to identify the cause and try to fix it. Hiding it from others only makes it harder for us to do that.

Are you the type that holds it all inside? Or do you tend to make such a fuss that others have trouble tolerating you? Hopefully you are somewhere in between so that you get the help you need to make things right.

Want to know more about physical pain? Check out this MedLine Plus site: https://medlineplus.gov/pain.html

And I hope all your pains are little ones!

Where Does Your Anger Come From?

Anger is considered a "secondary emotion" because it is triggered by other "primary emotions" - fear and/or pain.

There is so much anger going around these days. We are in a very anxious/frightening time in our country. And many are feeling pain, emotional pain or physical pain.

So, is anger helpful? That is debatable. Sometimes anger can give us the energy to confront that which we are afraid of or to do something to relieve the pain. That would be helpful if we acted with considerable and thoughtful behavior. All too often, however, we act out with violence, destruction, or denial.

We are seeing a lot of that harmful behavior in the news. Violence is sweeping our nation and taking a toll on all of us. Vandalism as a hate crime, demonstrations that become riots, mass shootings, increased use of drugs and alcohol to blot out feelings, all these are angry behaviors. And they are not at all helpful. They tend to trigger more anger.

We need to examine what is really going on with us when we are angry. Address the fears rationally and take steps to reduce the risks we fear. Address the pain with compassion and care. And refuse to let drugs and alcohol deaden our feelings and make matters even worse.

While this may all sound simple, it certainly isn't easy. That's why anger is being channeled into harmful behaviors. It seems easier than confronting our own fears and/or pain. When we see other people acting out in anger, we need to remember that they are afraid or in pain and to help them deal with their primary feelings.

It really helps when dealing with an angry person to understand that their primary feelings are not being addressed. It helps to know that if we relate in an empathetic manner that the anger can become more useful by using the energy to create resolutions.

So next time you witness someone's anger, try to imagine what it is that triggers that anger, what fears or pain are they experiencing. And treat them with compassion.

And next time you feel angry, check out your primary feelings and see what you can do to help yourself move beyond the anger to resolve your pain or fear.

Kindness Matters

Why be kind? Because kindness heals. It heals pain, your own and others. And there is so much pain in the world right now. We can make the world - and ourselves - better by being kind.

For me, the most meaningful statement in the book We Can Be Kind, by David Friedman, is the reminder that kindness is a choice. This gives us the personal power to change any situation by remembering to be kind, to ourselves and to others.

Even when I am in physical pain from my disability it is so easy to slip into unkind thoughts and behaviors. Doing this only makes my pain worse and can cause emotional pain in those to whom I am unkind. The best way to deal with my pain is to acknowlege it, experience it, and explore my feelings at the time. I can choose to calmly let go of the negative self-talk and the nastiness my words or behavior that surface.

You see, I blame myself for my pain. I'm fat. I've not taken good care of my body when I was younger. I push myself to do more than I should. Etc. None of that lessens the pain. And if I snap at someone else and spread pain to them, I feel bad about that too. So I'm learning to let go of the tension and let the pain move through and not pass it on to others.

The hard part for me is the challenge of seeing cruelty all around. And it is something I cannot control. When there is nothing I can do about a situation, what I can do is be kind. At first I thought that meant to be "nice" or "quiet" about someone's behavior. But another thing that is powerful about the power to chose is that you can choose HOW to be kind.

"Sometimes kindness is being nice: holding a door, telling someone theylook nice, giving a gift, being polite. Sometimes kindness is being tough: refusing to enable an addict, telling an overly dependent child they're on their own, not bailing someone out financially when they need to learn how to do it themselves. Sometimes kindness is telling the  thruth (when someone's hearing the truth would help them or the situation,) Sometimes kindness is not telling the truth (when the truth would only hurt someone and not do any good). In every circumstance, before you act, think to yourself,  "What would be the kindest thing I could do at this moment?" and do that." ... We Can Be Kind, by David Friedman

 Right now we need to be kind. And the great thing is that you and I CAN be kind.

Let's make the world a better place: Be Kind.

Doubt, Fear, and Pain

Doubt, fear, and pain have an important role in changing the world. When we act from our authentic inter-being we cannot ignore or deny them. Instead of covering up or denying these feelings, however, we need to experience them and heal their deep wound. To not do so only leads us to create more separation and pain in all we do. Doing this healing generates courage for us to act in gentleness and love.

Granted there will be situations when on-violence will not resolve the conflict. But most situations do not require force or violence, even though we have been conditioned to respond that way. Separation is built ito our language, the language of vioence. Have you ever noticed how many situations are addressed as "war"? For instance, the "war on drugs" does nothing to address the causes of drug abuse or the economic factors that influence the trafficking of drugs. No wonder the "war on drugs" isn't working

What other "wars" do you hear about in the media? Do any of them address the need for society to change the situations that create the problem? Most of the time it is the situation that has caused the conflict. When we address the situation as cause we can begin to resolve the conflict.

How about the 'war on poverty'? What is at the base of this problem? There is no doubt that the world produces enough of everything that all creatures need to thrive. So what, then, is the problem? Why are there parts of the world where children are dying of hunger and/or preventable diseases? Consider how our sense of separation maintains this problem.

There is really no excuse for wide-spread poverty.The earth is rich with all we need. Yet policies of fear and greed keep governments from sharing that wealth. Even on the personal level many people are afraid to share what they have with "the others." That sense of "us against them", this is what separates and makes it possible to greedily hold on to what we have, even though we have more than enough.

Consider this definition of wealth: "the ease and freedom to be generous." (1) In a community where we know we will be taken care of by those around us. If we run out of what we need, those we are connected to, where we have a close connection with the land and a sense of belonging, we are confident that there is enough to share. We can be generous. We never fear not having enough.

Instead, though, most of us, at least in the Western world,, live in a culture of separation. Our inner voice says "if I give,I'll just be taken advantage of." "What if I give and have nothing left and no one takes care of me?" "What if I'm alone in the world?"

It is hard for us to believe that we are truly one with the world. When we know that we are one with the world then we know that what we do to the world we do to ourselves - then generosity is natural. When we give, the world gives back. Generosity creates generosity.

When we experience "lack," when we embrace separateness, we tend to see lack as some malevolent force and we separate even more. Then we mock generosity as foolish naivety. The perspective of lack produces more lack and greed. While the perspective of abundance produces more abundance and generosity.

Examine your own beliefs about lack, your own fears of there not being enough, your own wounds of separation. Knowing that there will always be enough when we are truly connected with all of creation will bring you peace. And this is really the only path to peace in the world.

(1) The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible, by Charles Eisenstein

Today's Daily Dozen To-do List:

• For a charity, volunteer to distribute or deliver clothes, food, and gifts.
• Give a donation to a charity that provides food for hungry children and the elderly.
• Volunteer for Meals on Wheels or a similar meal delivery service. Bring kindness and warmth, as well as food, to the home-bound.
• Compliment a recovering addict or alcoholic on their recovery progress. Be as specific as you can about the changes you've observed.
• Collect goods for a food bank or shelter. Look for canned foods with meat/protein that can be eaten without cooking (tuna, chicken, spaghetti with meat, etc.)
• Keep some ready to eat foods in your car to pass on to homeless folks you see begging. Include travel sized toiletries.
• Share your perspective of abundance with others, reminding them that generosity is contagious.
• Post information on FaceBook about charitable organizations that work to reduce poverty and hunger. Encourage folks to support them.
• Volunteer to work in a garden plot in a depressed area of your city. Help provide fresh produce to families who wouldn't ordinarily be able to afford or shop for them.
• Deliver a protein-rich casserole to elderly folk in depressed areas.
• Make fresh fruit available to local summer youth programs.
• Create a support group for unemployed persons, offering encouragement, information, guidance, appropriate clothing for interviewing.  Invite professionals to speak on relevant topics. Network with the unemployment offices.

Pleasure and Desire: friends or foe?

Pleasure and desire, so often touted as our downfall, are in reality a natural guidance system toward fulfillment of our needs, and ultimately to the unfolding of our potential.

We need to relearn trusting them, trusting that we can experience pleasure and desire separate from the addictions that take us away from our true selves and destroy our potential. To do that we need to practice choices that bring joy, that feel right, that feel that they are the very best for us, rather than that which simply distracts us from some uncomfortable feeling.,

Practice experiencing the small pleasures, the simple joys of connection with nature, with loved ones, with music, with beauty. This will strengthen our trust in our pleasures and desires so that we can follow their guidance to our true joy and potential. Play, celebration, mystery, humor, all are part of the process of creating a more beautiful life and a more beautiful world.

What role does fear play in this process? Fear can limit growth. But it also creates a boundary within which growth happens. When growth is pressing against that boundary, then it is time to break through the fear. So the fear to look for is that which feels obsolete, a next step you are ready to take. That fear then should feel exhilarating rather than full of dread. It is the exhilaration of reaching a goal, of climbing higher. It is the nearness of joy.

What of destructive pleasure seeking, then? We know it abounds. It may bring pleasure but does it bring joy? No. Usually this kind of pleasure seeking is a result of pent-up desire, not as authentic desire. When we practice simple pleasures and tap into the pure joy of connection with our deepest desire, those destructive behaviors are no longer building within to erupt in harmful ways. We no longer even want to do them. They don't feel good any more.

The pain we were avoiding has dissipated. We find it easier to deal with, to heal the hurt without those avoidance behaviors we have been practicing. We can live our joy.

"The focus on pleasure, desire, aliveness, and joy offers a guideline for work on the social and political level as well. . . We are offering people not a world of less, not a world of sacrifice, not a world where you are just trying to have to enjoy less and suffer more - now, we are offering a world of more beauty, more joy, more connection, more love, more fulfillment, more exuberance, more leisure, more music, more dancing, and more celebration." (1)

When we can hold onto the vision of that life, we will communicate it as the subtext of our activism. People will respond positively to our knowledge that the things we give up are not nearly as good as the things we will discover, the things that bring us true joy.

When we do this, when we honestly "walk the walk" and practice these new beliefs, our words of activism will have power and our actions will motivate us and others to create that "more beautiful world."

(1) The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible  by Charles Eisenstein.

This post is based almost entirely on the above noted book. 

The Daily Dozen to-do list:

• Experience great music, move with it. Let it fill you with pleasure/joy. Dance! If you can't dance with your feet and legs, dance with your arms, or your head. But move with it.
• Draw something no one will ever see. Let it be a doodle or a free form., Play.
• Ask yourself what would feel good right now. Explore what about that would be good for you, what need it might fulfill.
• Do something anonymously for someone else just because it gives you pleasure to do so.
• Identify one of your destructive pleasure-seeking behaviors and trace it back to the hurt that it distracts you from. Allow yourself to feel that pain and examine the strength that grows from your experiencing it.
• Set aside an hour this week to do a feel-good activity for yourself - read, walk, sing, listen to your favorite  music, play a sport that brings you joy, take a bubble bath, watch a comedy that makes you laugh out loud, etc.
• Explore a new place or idea, just for the fun of it. The only goal in this is to have fun.
• Set aside some time each day to play with your pet or with small children.
• Make or build something that you create with your own hands. Take pleasure in the finished product. Perhaps give it to someone or place it where you can admire your handiwork.
• Sit in your yard or in a park without any electronic devices and just enjoy the plants, look at the sky, watch the clouds. Breathe.
• Cook your favorite food and invite someone to share it with you.
• Sing with the radio in the car or in the shower.