Forgive and Forget? No.

Merriam Webster defines "forgive" as a transitive verb. "to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON" i.e. "forgive one's enemies"

The definition of forgive says nothing about forgetting the offense. Nor does it suggest that you do it to benefit the other person. To forgive frees you from resentment and anger. It benefits you to make you life easier, better, freer.

Forgetting the offense would not be useful. If you forgot it happened, how would you prevent it happening again in the future? Every experience gives us information to us in determining how to make your way with people, how to evaluate situations, etc. No, don't forget.

But do let go of the feelings that may still linger when you remember the event. Forgiveness enables you to clear the slate with people and move on. 

When a community, or group, or country, etc., harbors resentment against another, there is very little trust that can be built. And behavior choices are more likely to be made on the basis of feelings than on fact. How many wars and acts of violence between groups would be avoided if true forgiveness had occurred? 

Forgive others, whether they know it or not. Forgive others, whether they even care or not. Do it for your betterment and to make the world better.

Resolve conflicts peacefully and learn from the experience. Keep your old emotions out of future situations. Let the resentment go.

Forgive.

100 Posts!

This is the one-hundredth post to my blog. Something to celebrate? I don't know if the blog has made a positive difference in the world, which is the reason for the blog. How I can I know?

I guess I can't know. But that doesn't matter. I will just have faith that someone will read something that means something to them and they use it to improve their life or someone else's life. That is what changes the world for the better.

So in this post I want to explore how to take the peace we create inside ourselves to make peace beyond ourselves. There are a couple of things to keep in mind. One is that to create peace we must act from a position of compassion, of empathy.And the second is that what we say makes a difference.

When there is conflict it is because someone is not getting their needs met. And you may not know what that need is, even if it seems obvious. All to often what is perceived is just a want that comes from an unmet need. For instance, a childless neighbor constantly yells at your kids for making noise when they play outside. You could assume that their need is for silence/quiet. However, if you get to know them and listen to them compassionately, you learn that the wife has had two miscarriages and often suffers with migraines. More than the noise sensitivity of the migraines is the heartache of not having children of their own. Once an empathic relationship is established you can offer the caring friendship that they need. And you might even find that she would like to babysit for you if once in a while when she doesn't have a headache. Over time, you friendship might even help reduce stress that sets her up for migraines. At least you would have a good enough relationship that she can tell you when she has a migraine and you can arrange for something else for the kids to do other than noisy games/activities.

This gets more complicated when it is groups or countries that disagree. But it is possible to approach all kinds of conflicts from this position rather than from an adversarial position. Rather than clashing in conflict we need to work to together to communicate compassion and empathy. It won't always result in you getting your way or even getting them to compromise. But it will work more often and with less damage than be adversaries.

So, remembering that what you say makes a difference, how do you speak peace? In making peace within yourself you had to chance your self-talk, eliminating blaming and shaming and "shoulding". You need to do the same when communicating with others. Pay attention to what you are saying and how you are saying it. This applies to everyone you converse with - your children, your spouse, your extended family, your neighbors, everyone.

Eliminating these keeps you in a place of wholeness, preserves your inner peace, and lowers defensive barriers. Use assertive language - make "I" statements about what you feel and what you want, what you need. "I feel angry when you yell at me" works much better than "Stop yelling at me!"  Assertive language puts everyone on an equal level. No one is one-up or one-down. This is the way that positive change can come about.

Connect with others, knowing that we are all related, that we have more in common than we have differences. Working from those commonalities makes it possible to build peaceful resolution to problems.

Man did not weave the web of life,

he is merely a strand in it.

whatever he does to the web,

he does to himself

All things are bound together.

All things connect.

-- Chief Seattle

And when we fully recognize that all things connect, our decisions - solutions - will be made with the consideration of how it will affect others, affect the environment, affect life in general. This will make true peace, when we each acknowledge and accept our responsibility to the rest of creation.

To learn more about how to speak peace, I recomment the book Speak Peace in a World of Conflict, What You Say Next Will Change Your World, by Marshall B. Rosenbirg, Ph.D.

Peace on Earth?

"We need a more peaceful world, growing out of more peaceful families and neighborhoods and communities. To secure and cultivate such peace, we must love others, even our enemies as well as our friends."
--Howard W. Hunter

Where do we begin to create a more peaceful world? The task seems overwhelming, if even possible. With television and the internet military conflicts are in our homes daily. War has become normal. We find it difficult to imagine a war-free world. Where is there peace? 

So, we are looking for peace. Do we know what to look for? What does peace look like? If we look for something that we don't know how to recognize, will we see it if it is there?

Help me. Tell me in the comments below what you think peace will look like. Maybe together we can find it, or at least have a better idea of how to create it.

Peace IS Possible

With the media focused on the wars and conflicts in the Middle East, I sometimes wonder if there can ever be world peace. Over and over we see the images of devastation of war and ongoing conflicts. Is peace ever possible?

And then last week I learned about peace in Columbia after more than fifty years of armed conflict there. They have announced the final peace agreement betweeen the Columbian government and the leftist rebels Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbus (FARC) and the National Liberation Army (ELN). This conflict has killed more than 200,000 people through the decades.

But even though there are generations of Columbians who have know nothing but brutal armed conflict, the people of Colombian people  never gave up hope for peace. They have negotiated off and on for years. And at long last, with the support of Pope Francis and the United Nations, agreements have been reached and decisions are being made about how rebels will disarm. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said earlier this month that the U.N. mission will operate in 40 widely dispersed locations and require about 450 observers and a number of civilians in support of the disarmament and keeping of the peace.

There is much involved in peacemaking and keeping of peace. The people of a country must be in support of peace and must support leaders who are also supporters of peace. The agreement in Columbia is groundbreaking in that it includes women's perspectives, "which are rarely considered in peace negotiations, says Kristian Herbolzheimer, Colombia program director at Conciliation Resources, and international advisory group on conflict resolution. A 2012 United nations analysis of 30 peace processes between 1992 and 2011 shows women make up only 4%of signatories, 2.4% of chief mediators, 3.7% of witnesses and 9 % of negotiators.

"The fact that women are included in the deal at all is largely thanks to demands by women's groups that they be included in the peace talks. Their ultimatum: There won't be sustainable peace unless women are included. They weren't only trying to influence the content of the agreement, but the manner in which peace was built.

 "Men build it with weapons, with their uniform, with vertical power," she says. What we women are telling men is that there are other ways to relate to each other."

"Pressure from women's groups resulted in the creation of a gender subcommission charged with going through the agreement line by line to ensure women's perspectives were represented. LGBTI rights were also considered, likely for the first time ever in any peace process around the world.

"The inclusion shows. Everytime there's a mention of the word 'men' it is followed by 'and women'. 'Women' on its own appears dozens of other times in whole sections devoted to policies designed to work their own land and rural daycare centers to facilitate that; educational programs to promote their political participation, and a special emphasis on bringing justice to those who harmed women."*

War is often built into the economy of a nation. And it must be replaced with an economy of peace at the local level on up through the national level.

An organization called Code Pink has created a daily email newsletter called Growing a Local Peace Economy. You can subscribe at http://www.codepink.org/splash?utm_campaign=lpe_daily_194&utm_medium=email&utm_source=codepink&splash=1 and follow the daily suggestions to create more peace in your neighborhood, community, and world. 

In past blog posts I have noted other organizations working for peace. If more of us become active in creating peace, in becoming true peacemakers, Peace IS possible. Share what you know about peacemaking efforts where you live in the comments below.

Sources:

http://recordpub.com/latest%20headlines/2016/08/27/un-renews-vow-to-help-establish-a-ceasefire-in-wartorn-columbia/?recommended=1

http://www.theatlantic.com/news/archive/2016/06/colombia-farc/488486/

*http://www.theoptimist.com/daily/

Are We In This Together?

You and I aren't the only ones who want to curb hate and create peace. There are many people and groups and ways to make a positive difference in the world. Individually we are like drops of water. Together we can be a powerful river for change, positive change. The more drops of water the greater the flow.

I’ve been looking around the internet so see what else is out there. I’m noting just a few. Check some of them out. Find others on your own and share in the comments. Join forces with those that resonate with you. Encourage others to join in.

The time to diminish the "Us vs Them" perspective is now! 

When you think the world is getting worse instead of better, watch this TED Talk that’s very encouraging. 

 https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=make+the+world+a+better+place&&view=detail&mid=7990E110D6FFD626022A7990E110D6FFD626022A&rvsmid=67E4A4056A6DB6AEB13167E4A4056A6DB6AEB131&fsscr=0&FORM=VDFSRV

Look around for where you can be a positive influence. Check these out:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-the-World-a-Better-Place

http://ebaulatravel.com/blog/happiness-the-making-of-a-wonderful-world/

http://simplegreenliving.com/5575/small-things-really-make-big-difference/

http://www.theoptimist.com/the-25-habits-psychologists-say-lead-to-happiness/

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/linda-simpson/spring-clean-your-life_b_9701280.html

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Making+the+World+Better&&view=detail&mid=07524BE8E46DFAF9C2EF07524BE8E46DFAF9C2EF&rvsmid=7DE9A3B9BB1430E1B9327DE9A3B9BB1430E1B932&fsscr=0&FORM=VDFSRV

Give it forward.

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Making+the+World+Better&&view=detail&mid=3B9C2025BA59E001717F3B9C2025BA59E001717F&rvsmid=7DE9A3B9BB1430E1B9327DE9A3B9BB1430E1B932&fsscr=-1155&FORM=VDQVAP

And, if you prefer books to the Internet,

 https://www.amazon.com/How-Make-World-Better-Place/dp/0393312917

The more the merrier!

Ultimately, however, our goal must be to change people’s perspective to see that we are all “Us”. There really is no “They” who are less valuable or important than we are.

What will you do toward that end? 

Justice through Love

This past Saturday I had the privilege to hear Dr. Lawrence Carter speak at the Christian Theological Seminary Commencement Service in Indianapolis, IN. Dr. Carter is Dean of the Martin Luther King, Jr. International Chapel at Morehouse College and the  Honorary Doctor of Divinity, awarded Saturday, for his impact in helping train leaders for the African American Church.

His topic was "Where the Moral Arc Bends" and he spoke on justice through love. I was thrilled to hear someone at his level of influence espouse the same principles I've been reading and writing about. It is people like Dr. Carter who are making possible the more beautiful world we believe is possible.

He reminded us that "Darkness cannot be overcome by darkness. . . and Hate cannot be overcome by hate." Yes, only light can overcome darkness and only love can overcome hate. If we are to change this culture of hate and violence, we must love those who hate.

Certainly not always easy,  it is what Nelson Mandela used to prevent a blood bath in Africa with a program of reconciliation and forgiveness. It is what the family of the victims of the Charleston, S.C.,church shooting did with  Dylan  Roof, the man who murdered their loved ones. When we respond to hate and violence with more hate and violence, no healing can occur. It is what causes war and more bloodshed.

This doesn't mean that there should be no consequences to the haters, only that justice must be gentle, measured out with love. Harsh punishments create more hurt, more anger, more pain, more violence. Working in prisons all those years certainly convinced me of that. Too many of the men came out of prison with more anger and hate than before they went in.

Dr. Carter works diligently to create equality and respect for all living things. There can be no justice, no peace, when one group of people is valued less than another, when the needs of some are ignored or withheld.

And I loved it when he stated that "anyone who disrespects the earth also disrespects all women." Women are more closely connected to earth, to our Mother Earth. And people who disrespect Mother Earth are destroyers of life itself.

Yes, it was gratifying to hear someone with Dr. Carter's influence to promote peace and justice through gentleness and love.

Today's Daily Dozen To-do List:

• Keep your neighborhood looking its best by promoting a regular neighborhood cleanup day for homeowners.
• To reduce air polution carpool, take public transportation, bike, or walk.
• Use a clothesline to dry your clothes instead of a dryer.
• Make sure your car has a tune-up regularly. Unchecked cars can waste fuel and pollute the environment.
• Use recycled paper. And recycle the paper used in your household.
• Try not to buy foam packing materials or aerosol products.
• Make birdhouses and feeders or other wildlife feeding stations. These could even be sold as a fundraiser.
• Support recycling programs in your school, business, or neighborhood. Analyze the ones already in place and suggest improvementsj.
• Help maintain park, bicycle, and recreation trails. And never litter.
• Clean up the yard of a neighbor who is unable to do that task, who is ill, has had surgery recently, or has had a family emergency,
• Clean up litter on a stretch of road near you. 
• Donate to an organization that supports a healthy environment.

The Scarcity of Self

The underlying scarcity that drives us to consume and control, that drive that is the source of most of the world's problems, is the scarcity of self. This is the feeling or belief that "I am not enough" or There is not enough life."

It supports the belief that we need more of something to be o.k. We need to do more to be o.k. We are never really still because in order to be more we must do more. We become "human doings" instead of human beings.

We must be more beautiful, more muscular, more wealthy, more successful, more popular, more powerful, more kind, more generous, more compassionate, more . . You get the picture.

We need to know and experience ourselves as complete beings, just the way we are, to know that we are a part of all creation. As such, we are who we are meant to be and our resources are limitless. The reality is that it is impossible to be more than we are at the moment. And that is o.k.

However, to access the answers/solutions to a more beautiful world we seek.we will have to go into our own essence through that quiet empty space between doing and being We must return to that empty place to be free of the old beliefs and habits that have trapped us.(1)

We must let go of believing that we are not enough just as we are. We must let go of the addiction to busyness, let go of the need to control life. Ultimately, we have no power to control life itself. We must go back to the first three steps of AA. This isn't easy and it is scary to face the fact that our distractions, our addictive busyness, has not make the problems go away.

I'm not saying all "doing" is bad. Of course we must act and interact with the world. The challenge is to act from that sense of wholeness completeness, of inter-connectedness. Then our actions will be aligned with your "beingness." Our values will be aligned with all of creation and inner conflit will disappear. You will feel that you are, indeed, enough. You will find peace.And we can only create peace in the world from our own inner peace.

Whenever you feel stuck and don't know what to do, do nothing! Go to that empty place where you can be aligned with the natural movement of things that want to be. Allow your true purpose in the situation to return. Be still to know the real root of the problem and what would naturally resolve it.

"What most needs attention is the part of us that we seek to avoid feeling, When we have tended to that, we are changed, and the world changes with us." - Dan Emmonds

(1) The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possibleby Charles Eisenstein

Today's daily dozen "to-do" list:

• Identify the things you think you must be more of to be o.k.
• List 10 labels that "define" you. For instance, "I am a woman/man", "I am a mother/father", etc.
• List 10 pronouns that describe you, i.e. tall, strong, lazy, smart, etc.
• List 10 ways others describe you.
• Set aside 5 minutes a day to shut off electronics and clatter/distractions to begin to find and get comfortable with quiet.
• Choose a day to look for goodness in each person with whom you come into contact.
• Spend a few minutes listening to the wind, to the rustle of leaves, to birds, or to moving water.
• Create a picture in your mind's eye a place in nature where you could feel safe and comfortable to sit alone quietly doing nothing. Imagine each thing about it that you find to be lovely.
• Identify at least 5 values you hold, in priority order, highest to lower. Examine how each affects your daily decisions.
• Identify the emotions that are most uncomfortable for you to experience. Explore the roots of  these beliefs that create your discomfort.  How do these belief affect your decisions?
• Name your most frequent distraction you use to avoid discomfort.
• Each time you look at your own face, tell yourself "I am enough."